Mike Carden/Kevin Jonas
Mike sits at his kitchen island and watches Kevin and his brother, Joe, eat ice cream and spoon-battle over the veins of chocolate, and he wonders if Bill has lost his fucking mind and, like, hired actors to pretend to be naked homeless men intent on taking over Mike’s house and life. That is exactly something Bill would do.
A/N: written for
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sodamnskippy Pimp Day, the one where the JoBros are fairies living in Mike’s backyard. And, okay, I can’t believe that not only did I kind of write a sex scene (check out the rating!), but I wrote a sex scene in a fic about fairies. There is a lot of sugar in this. Lots and lots of sugar, the real actual kind, and Bill bakes things. That is all. 
( Some Kind Of Magic )
Kevin Jonas/Mike Carden | Werewolf AU, also featuring vampires
Kevin had been born this way; he’s been changing since he was thirteen. There’s pain, but it doesn’t hurt. It just *is.* It’s just his bones doing what they’re supposed to do, and he licks blood off his knees and paws before padding over to his half open window and jumping down onto the fire escape.
Important A/N: Firstly, this is NOT an A little Less Sixteen Candles… AU, however, just to confuse and astound you, I’ve used some characters from that verse. Secondly, I did research! But did I do werewolf research? Of course not. I spent an inordinate amount of time researching the fable that Ryan tells Kevin, one single scene (but it’s totally integral!) – the rest, well. I’m a bullshitter, not a fact-checker. I bullshit with confidence; it’s what got me through 4 years of college. This isn’t beta’d, but only because I wanted to get it up in time for Halloween. I at least had
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starflowers (who is lovely and helpful!) check it for plot-holes :) Title is from Kissing the Beehive by Wolf Parade. Happy Halloween!( While Stumbling Where Our Hearts Beat Regular Time )
Mike Carden/Kevin Jonas, The Academy Is…, Jonas Brothers, Cobra Starship, Panic!, Fall Out Boy
Brendon’s more of an in-your-face naked guy, while Mike’s nakedness sneaks up on you out of nowhere. It’s like Kevin doesn’t realize Mike isn’t wearing pants until he realizes Mike *isn’t wearing pants.*
a/n: this ridiculous piece of tour dating – yes, tour dating - was written because I wanted to have Kevin meet Drunk Naked Guy!Carden from DSIDWY and Commando!Carden from Break Away. It’s not necessary to read those fics to understand this one, but you might want to anyway. Cobra Jenga (though not called Cobra Jenga at the time) is something my friends and I used to play in college; it’s stupid fun, but gets expensive when you don’t play with the same exact group of people, especially when you get as specific with the pieces as we always did. Title comes from TMBG’s The End of The Tour. Unbeta’d, because I really didn’t think it was worth it – please point out any mistakes :) One day I will write one of these from Mike’s pov, promise.
( The Scene Isn’t What It’s Been )
Kevin Jonas/Mike Carden (also: Kevin/Zac Efron, Brendon/Spencer, Bill/Miranda, Pete/Ashlee, Pete/Patrick)
There are grooves in Kevin’s fingers from where he’s gripping his bass, soft, but calloused underbellies digging into the strings. It’s enough pain to ground him; he releases the strings backwards, the positioning a direct reverse of the beginning of In Front And Heavy. This is it. There’s no going back, even if one of the kids singing along in twenty minutes recognizes the curve of Miranda’s mouth, the timbre of Brendon’s voice, the strawberry blonde curl of Patrick’s hair under his knit cap; Bill’s splayed, spidery legs, Kevin’s wrists, fingers – the white band of skin that isn’t hidden by a thin band of silver.
*We are your losers, your loud weirdoes, your science stars, your shy, retiring band geeks*, Kevin thinks, and sets off for the stage.
A/N: This is it. The completely pointless, self-indulgent high school AU about a secret band playing secret music and writing a secret blog. I kind of hope you enjoy it. Massive thanks to
insunshine for the excellent beta-work, and also to starflowers, who cheered me on through this entire thing. This actually had a different title, but then I thought, fuck it, because it's always been NINJA in my head. (ps – more notes at the end about who’s who in some of the blogged about bands, if you’re curious)( NINJA )
Kevin Jonas/Mike Carden | the high school AU that isn't NINJA
“Um.” Kevin twists his fingers together and tries to think of a non-pathetic way to beg Carden not to kill and eat him. He’d totally be gamey and, like, like—juicy and tender, *oh sweet baby Jesus*, who the heck is he kidding? Kevin would be *delicious*, he’s all solid and active and healthy and stuff, it’s like his mom’s been feeding him up for years and years for this exact moment. Have another apple, son, someday a scary-intense, super hot guy is going to *eat you alive*.
a/n: quick and dirty au ficcy thing, starring Carden, Kevin, Chislett and Brendon. Kevin's paranoid, and Carden might be trying to kill him. Or something. Title is from The Go! Team, please point out any mistakes, and also go join
sodamnskippy: I'm going to pimp that for forever :)( Never Needed It Now So Much )
Kevin Jonas/Mike Carden
Mike looks from Kevin to Nick to Joe, who’s behind Nick, to Nick and then to Kevin again. “Oh, fuck me,” he says. “You’re a Jonas brother.”
A/N: Silly little small town AU, where TAI, Gabe and Greta live in a small town, and the JoBros are still the JoBros, with minor adjustments. There are FOLK BATTLES. And Joe reads a book. Written over the past day, quick and dirty; let me know if you spot any mistakes! (also, you should go join
sodamnskippy and have your own fun with these two!)( Revival )
Kevin/Mike
Kevin’s breathing goes all shuddery, bordering on gasping, and Carden oh-so-slowly pets him there, right on the side of his throat, and shushes him and Kevin thinks, a little hysterical, that if he’s trying to calm him down the petting thing is totally not working.
A/N: So, just to confuse you a little, this is an AU of the show JONAS, in which the Jonas Brothers are actually the Lucas brothers, and have a band called JONAS and go to a private school and their friend Stella acts as their stylist and this girl Macy is their biggest, weirdest fan. And a while ago I wrote on Twitter how much more awesome the show would be if Rival!Band!The Academy Is... were in it, and then I promptly forgot about that, and then I wrote this yesterday. Herein lies pointless high school shenanigans, Nick's one-sided feud with Bill Beckett, and making out in cars and ball closets and libraries. Yeah. This is also kind of lame, forgive me.
( Bust Your Move )
Mike Carden/Kevin Jonas | follows Dancing Goes All Night
“Notice how the skinny tie makes him look less like he’s carrying shrunken baby heads around in his pockets.”
A/N: for
shutyourface, who thinks Carden “would kill you dead & then go get a burger while your bloody body cooled in the trunk of his car.” This is kind of like cracky schmoop or something, and may possibly only be completely hilarious to me. Please point out any errors!hilariously perfect manip by celebutaunt!!!
( In The Movement )
Mike Carden/Kevin Jonas | Coda to Dancing Without Warning
The thing is, if they’d wanted him to actually pay attention to the interview, they shouldn’t have sat him next to the lady with the polar bear cub.
A/N: THIS IS THE VERY DEFINITION OF SCHMOOP. Must needs have read Dancing Without Warning first, obviously. Title still comes from The Art of Dancing by Bronx Cheerleader. Unbeta’d fluff, written in a couple hours, so please point out any mistakes :)
( Dancing Goes All Night )
Kevin Jonas/Mike Carden | The Jonas Brothers, The Academy Is..., Jon Walker
“Let me get this straight,” Nick says, ignoring Joe’s snickers. “You accidentally implied that Mike Carden is a rapist.”
In which there is an elevator, a bet and the VMAs, leading to drunkenness, misunderstandings, and some approximation of dating. Mike is prickly, and Kevin is unwittingly a douche.
Contains minor references to Property of the Queen and Laser Cats, because Andy Samberg is a genius.
A/N: This was supposed to be a tiny little one-off about Mike and Kevin in an elevator. I don’t know what happened, but I’m blaming Bill Beckett. Unbeta’d, ridiculous, schmoopy, angsty, faily boys failing at love, told in snippets of various shapes, sizes and times. Title comes from The Art of Dancing by Bronx Cheerleader.
( Dancing Without Warning )
Sequel to Supersaturation, Solvation, Enthalpy, Entropy, Sublimation, Allotropy and Adsorption.
“I don’t usually follow gossip,” Brendon says, which is a blatant, bald lie, “but word is Crawford’s got an imaginary friend.”
A/N: For those of you who skipped Adsorption because of the JoBros, I strongly urge you to reconsider (Carden is awesome!) – I’m gonna say you probably need to have read ALL stories that have come before, and I’m gonna say that because I basically throw every character ever at you in this one. Except for, I’m sad to say, most of Panic. Fear not, they shall be the focus of the very next installment! Saying that, Saponification (title tongue-in-cheek) is about a slight mystery surrounding Joe, Gerard, Johnson and Ian. To make things slightly less confusing, have a Supersaturation Character Cheat Sheet! There are Nickelodeon and Disney people now! I blame Bonus.
Much awesome thanks to
insunshine for the kick-ass beta-job. I totally don’t have favorites, but this is for druidspell (my best ‘verse supporter), nunshavingfun (I fixed Joe for you!!!), and starflowers (whose mere existence makes me smile).( Saponification )
Mike Carden/Kevin Jonas
Sequel to Supersaturation, Solvation, Enthalpy, Entropy, Sublimation and Allotropy.
“Skippy here’s a virgin,” Carden says, tugging Kevin down into the seat next to him. He’s been doing that all day, pushing him around, like he’s some sort of circus freak or trained dog or something.
A/N: So I did it! It’s the JoBros in space! But also Mike Carden! And Chuck and Chislett! While reading the many stories before this one isn’t strictly necessary, there are references to stuff in the other fics, and Carden himself was introduced briefly in Allotropy, so I’d advise reading them all before attempting this one. And, of course, the next major stop in this ‘verse will have more Carden, so this one will be helpful for that.
A couple things: Kevin is the oldest Jonas brother. Bonus Jonas is actually named Frankie, but calling him Bonus is way funnier. Selena Gomez does, indeed, have a large head. Purity rings will never not be funny to me, sorry.
Finally, thank you so much to
insunshine for the quick beta and for being generally kick-ass awesome.* This was actually supposed to be what I had planned for V-Day, so consider it an early gift? I'm just really horrible at waiting to post once I've got a finished copy :) Enjoy!
( Adsorption )
Also:
The three boys are sitting all in a row on a cot in the infirmary. Little Ryan’s staring down at his lap, playing with the sleeves of his tiny uniform jacket. And then he cocks his head and grins up at them, sideways, and Brendon’s insides go all gooey.
“Well,” Ritter says, walking over with a datapad and a bewildered expression on his face. “They’re definitely you.”
“They’re us,” Ryan says flatly.
“Right down to the last strand of DNA.” Ritter pushes his hair back off his face. “Um. How did this happen again?”
Brendon very discreetly points a finger at Cash and widens his eyes.
- the one where I torture Joe and Travis off-world and give Brendon and Cash mini-clones.
- the one where I kill Jon in the very first sentence.
- the battle of the bands one where Brendon's parents won't let him be in a band and there might possibly be disguises involved.
- the ghost whisperer AU, where Jon buys Country Living magazines from Spencer and is being haunted by the ghost of Tom Conrad.
- the one where Jon's a pastor in PA and Ryan rocks out in a praise band and Spencer thinks everyone's joined a cult.
- the one where Bob is Joe's cop neighbor and there might possibly be someone trying to kill Joe.
- the one where the Jonas Brothers' plane crashes and suddenly they're all Panic's guardian angels, and Panic can actually see them, but only when they're high. Brendon is freaked out.
I actually have no idea where this came from. I really, really want it, though.
....
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