I adore White Christmas. It's my very favorite Christmas movie :)

I was sick at home for Thanksgiving. I couldn't stop coughing, so I missed turkey dinner. Sadmaking.

So whatever, here's around 1800 words of a larger fic that may or may not ever be finished:

( Patrick clutches his satchel to his chest as the train rocks to a stop. )

So natacup82 and I are either Evil Masterminds of Awesome or completely insane, but Ryan as Pete and Patrick's robot son will never ever stop being funny to us, okay? NEVER EVER.

So you know Small Wonder, right? That sitcom where the guy makes a robot daughter and she dresses the same everyday and talks in this creepy monotone and lives in her "brother's" closet and supposedly no one knows she's a robot? Yeah, okay, this is it. And I can't stop laughing, this is quite possibly the most hilarious concept of all time, so. This is commentfic, so it's barely a story. We've spliced it all together mainly so natacup82 and I can reread it over and over again and laugh our asses off. You may find this just as completely awesome and hysterical as we do, or you may not, I don't know, but seriously: ROBOTS. OKAY? YES. MORE THAN ONE, HOW'S THAT FOR A TEASER?

blossyn is feeding the beast by being awesome and making this, seriously, god, it's the creepiest thing ever and yet PERFECT:


( They have to send Ryan to school so people don't suspect anything - Pete buys him fingerless gloves to cover up his new tracking chip, and Patrick buys him a hobo hat because he thinks it makes him look handsome! Spencer just tries to make sure he wears decent shoes because Pete picked out most of Ryan's clothes and they are ridiculous. )

Title: Attack Of The Giant Robot From Outer Space
Pairing: John/Rodney
Word Count: 2,000+
Rating: Uh, R, for themes and slight language?
Summary: John wants to hug it, and possibly use his tongue in inappropriate ways.
A/N: Almost robot!porn, but not really. At all. Floofy crack? Anyway, totally unbeta'd and irredeemable and John really, really loves robots. For real.

( Attack Of The Giant Robot From Outer Space )

In light of the general suckiness of my life at the moment, we're gonna take a jaunt to Cat Town. We haven't been there for a while, have we? I still want to marry it and have its babies. Hopefully they'll look just like the Animal Hat Gang.

Go. Enjoy. Smile. Hug DJ Hand Puppet.

Title: Never Anything But
Prompt: onthecontrary. john/rodney that somehow involves ford and bates; which is like saying, perhaps a drabble set in season one, if you don't mind? because fuck, if people don't love ford and/or bates, what sort of people are they? something funny as opposed to angsty, if at all possible; like, ummm, someone walking in on something bizarre and the misconceptions that might ensue? and if you want to toss in a joke about john acting like a woman, well. we all know how much i love that sort of thing.
Word count: 1114
Summary: “I’m not a woman.”
A/N: dudes, I'm just... sorry.

( Never Anything But )

I HATE YOU FOR MAKING ME DO THIS IT IS SO HORRIBLE AND IT HURT MY BRAIN AND IT'S NOT EVEN SLASH AND I JUST MIGHT CRY PLUS IT'S POINTLESS AND I JUST WANTED BOOTH TO SLOUCH IN A SEAT AND PRESS HIS FINGERS TO HIS FOREHEAD AND BE EXASPERATED ONLY WITH A STETSON ON AND WITH TUMBLEWEEDS - CAN YOU IMAGINE THE TUMBLEWEEDS TUMBLING BY OUTSIDE - AND I DON'T HAVE ANY OF THEIR VOICES YET SO YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO BARE WITH ME AND TRY NOT TO BUCKLE UNDER THE ENORMOUS HORRIDNESS OF THIS AND REMEMBER IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!

YES I'M YELLING I LIKE TO YELL

(i think i'm on drugs)

( I suck so bad )

So I was walking to work and I suddenly got a vision of toddler!Rodney accusing toddler!John of taking the last pudding cup. And toddler!John just sits there clutching his spoon, face smeared and hair going every which way and he's giving Rodney his "ooookay" look coupled with his "are you kidding me?" look, also coupled with his "you're kind of amusing" look.

And then, because my brain leaps this way, I automatically thought: Oh my god, John is so totally Kermit from Muppet Babies!!!

And then I had to cast Rodney as Miss Piggy (work with me here), Teyla and Ronon (with their sibling vibe; yeah, I see it) as Skeeter and Scooter, Lorne as Rawlf (for no other reason than I always thought Rawlf was half laughing at everyone else, and Lorne's sort of got that "seriously, wtf am I doing here?" thing coupled with the "hey, this is kinda cool" thing going on), Beckett as Bunsen and I have no idea who as Beaker (Beaker's hard to cast), Kavanaugh as Gonzo ('cause Gonzo caught a lot of flack, didn't he?), and maybe we can stretch enzymed Ford into a slightly more coherent Animal. Oh, and Elizabeth is so completely Nanny. Totally. Add maybe a flavor of SG-1 with Jack and Daniel as Uncles Statler and Waldorf, and dude. It's a party.

So anyway I'm really not going to write this. Honestly. So. Feel free to run away with it and make it your own. Or just point and laugh at me *nods*

ETA: as msgordo has pointed out, Radek would make a lovely Beaker *grins* We're ready for action! Only not from me. I'm just gonna poke this bunny with a stick from a safe distance.

Dudes, who's seen the latest eppy of The Soup on E!??? The Harry Potter clip! HI-larious!

They made a trailer and cut it to make it seem like it's Harry/Ron with porn music in the background. It's completely awesome. I checked the site, but no clip of it could be found.... if anyone gets their hands on a copy of it, let me know. I couldn't stop laughing! *loves it*

ETA: megaloo13 found a link!! cracked goodness.

I'm jumpy as Nev in a pit full of snakes, and I don't know why. ARGH!

J and I went out to dinner last night for our ani. 2 years! Geez. Sometimes it seems much longer. And I'm honestly such a freak-hermit-nonpeopleperson that I have no idea how I even landed him. *giggles* Landed. Dating has got to be my least favorite activity ever. Dating involves meeting strangers. Dating sucks. But luckily I floundered through the first couple months and we have so much insanity in common it's... insane. *sigh*

I have not written anything worthwhile today... the Nev and Seamus adventure shall continue maybe tomorrow. And I have half an installment of DT done *gasp!* and I'm pondering something original as well. We'll see.

So to entertain those hanging about, here's a comment drabble I wrote for eldee a couple weeks ago... You might've spotted it at her journal. I contemplated making it longer or rewriting it, but you know what? I'm just not motivated enough. Hurrah!!!

( Draco Malfoy is One Cracked Out Cracker: a Popslash/HP crossover that makes little than no sense! )

If it was possible to marry a website, I would marry this. Seriously. I can't stop laughing.

This is for littleleggylulu. She requested Draco/Ron to cheer her up, and while I'm normally horrible at writing on demand, as it were - since my muse is a tricky, hateful bitch - I got inspired.

Title: Forfeit
Pairing: Draco/Ron
Rating: Um. I think it just warrants an R.
Summary: Draco is completely straight. Honestly. (PWP)
Author notes: My goal for this short piece was to fit as many clichés in as I could. This is purposefully cheesy, since I'm incapable of writing straight pr0n (and by "straight" I mean non-comedic). This is un-beta'd, baked fresh.

( Forfeit )

NEW CRACKFIC! *dances* *does The Robot*

Title: A Family Affair
Rating: PG-13 crack
Summary: Seamus crashes a family reunion. Comedy ensues. Featuring paranoid!Harry, stalking!Seamus, accidentprone!Neville, drunk!Dean, pieloving!Ron and, oh yes, my favorite sparkly boys. HP/NSYNC, cats!
Notes/warnings/disclaimer: Crack, pure and true and stupid, and oh it made me laugh so hard while writing it, as usual *grins* This is SLASH! There are no redeeming qualities to this! And I've taken an enormous amount of creative license with everything from Irish geneology to Butterbeer. Also, the real people featured in this? Don't know 'em, and I'm pretty sure this isn't true. There is also an excessive use of the word "dude." I found it funny.

Special thanks go to my flisters, especially my crack-dealer, veracity, and stereotype_vamp, for commiserating with me about Justin and sheep, and eldee, whom I recently corrupted in the ways of popslash, but damned if she doesn't look happier that way.

( A Family Affair )

The Coffee Song
by SkoosiePants

you're so warm in my tummy (so warm)
you're not really all that yummy (no, not yummy)
but when you're pitch black (so black, so black)
ooooo, I like you like that!

[drum solo]

oh coffee, I used to hate you (don't hate me)
but I was so young (youuuuung)
noooooow if I forget to have you (what, how?)
my head pulses 'cause I need you!

REFRAIN

coffee (coffee) oh yeah
coffee (coffee) so good
coffee coffee coooooffeeeee!
so hot you scald meeeee!

break it down now

[here's the part where Justin Timberlake beatboxes]

repeat REFRAIN

coffee (coffee) oh yeah
coffee (coffee) so good
coffee coffee coooooffeeeee!
so hot you scald meeeee!

[voice over by James Earl Jones] Ladies and gentlemen, may I present... the Sparkly Boys!

[here's the part where NSYNC and AJ McLean sing the National Anthem]

[sung a capella]
Lance: Coffeeee!
Joey: Coffeeee!
JC: Coffeeee!
Justin: Coffeeee!
AJ: Coffeeee!
Chris: Coffeeee!
All including me: Coffeeee!

[note: everything in parentheses will be sung by Lance Bass]

I need to be stopped. Seriously.

in weasleyswitch fashion.

To Do List:

1. Catch up on dinnerparty_au - yes! Draco and his mags! *dances*
2. Catch up on LHCD - finally!
3. Write today's dirtytrousers installment (eep!) - up and lame!
4. Make more sparkly boy icons - made one!
5. Work. Like, professionally - unfortunately
6. Boogie down with my bad self - like nobody's business
7. Think about monkeys - monkeys are cool
8. Think about cheese - cheese is awesome
9. Think about monkeys eating cheese (or possibly pie) - I love when monkeys eat things
10. Go to the Dark Side
11. Why the hell are my hands so dry?
12. Wow, something smells funny - it was not me
13. Can staplers go rogue? Hmmmm...
14. *sings Knock three times on the ceiling if you waaaaaant me! Twice on the pipe if the answer is nooooooo! bum bum bum means you'll meet me in the halllllllway! Twice on the pipe clack clack means you're not gonna shoooooow!* - heh. got it in absolut_jmo's head
15. Find out about piano mover
16. Get shoes out of the trunk of my car
17. Take out trash - technically, it's still in the laundry room
18. Go to choir
19. Buy paint for bedroom, hallway and dining room
20. Organize old school rap/eighties style housewarming party
21. Book Kid 'n' Play
22. Help Pirate Booty out with wedding stuff
23. Call Brownstone
24. Do the Running Man on front walk - oh, how my neighbors hate me
25. Seriously, do people aspire to be mimes? Do little kids grow up wanting to be mimes??
26. Post dirtytrousers fanart
27. Stop wasting time on this freakin' list

All official-like...

Title: Everybody Here Would Know
Pairings/Characters: Draco/Ron, Ernie
Rating: PG-13, for language and innuendo
Word Count: 8,996
Summary: Blame it on the hot, salty island air. And Seamus.
A/N: I've revamped my defunct island idea into this long one-shot, and was able to tear myself away from Dirty Trousers long enough to finish this up. I had mucho fun with it, and all I have to say is I want myself an Ernie. Ernie rocks.

Title is taken from the Paul Simon song Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes. It just seemed so Draco/Ron to me. Plus, well... you'll see.

This has been checked for quality crackedness by veracity *hugs her*

Is it weird to think that these stories write themselves? That the characters do all the work? I never know how everyone's going to come off, and that makes me suspect I might just be a little insane.

Anywho. Enjoy.

( Everybody Here Would Know )

Yes, thanks to wonder that is Celebrity and the agreement of stereotype_vamp, another crack bunny has dug its sharp little teeth into my brain, thus rendering my previous idea a limp carcass. And the sad part is this idea will most likely fall just as flat eventually, but first. First, we have defunct crossover crack. Just a short delve into what might have been if my nsync/hp muse wasn't currently being a total bitch. Humph. I rather liked where this one was going, too.

( disappearances, ghetto Justin, and fucking Irish magic )

But I'm saving this, 'cause it made me laugh. I'm such a freak.

Hermione to Dumbldore:

“Let me just ask one question. Is this going to involve a certain pack of boybanders we all know and love?” Because, lately, Dumbledore had been Owling her highlighted Muggle teen rags, with nearly giddy notes catching her up on all the latest gossip. Apparently, the downfall of the dark lord had turned the elderly wizard into a fourteen year old girl.

Several wonderful crackfic stories have already been posted at oohsparkly, plus a shiny new challenge, which I've just answered myself :)

Here's some Draco/Ron crackficcery goodness:
Impudent Secretaries and Spanish Puppets

Now I'm off to answer my posts and check up on flisters *hugs all*

ETA: As veracity has pointed out, I've been failing in my duty to solicit Pansy recs. March is almost over! Send me recs!

As I sat down to write the third installment to my NSYNC/Harry Potter crackfic series, absolut_jmo's suggestion of Time Bandits was whirling around my brain and my mind threw up this hideous dark parody of crack. I nipped it in the bud before it could go any further, but here's what could have been...

Vaguely, you probably should read Wherein Little Boys... and Ghostbusters II-ish before reading this, but since it is not, and will never be finished as it stands now - I'm still working through a different sort of Time Bandit plot with a fluffier feel for this crackverse series - it might not matter.

( In which Hermione and the readers are confused, JC is odd, and Chris is really, really mean. Really. )

I just... couldn't redeem Chris is my mind. He didn't want to be reformed, and I can't have my favorite little elf be all horribly bitter. Ah, well.

In other news, I'm still working out a few kinks on Day Two of Everybody Here Would Know. Should be up soon, though. I'm glad that one was so well recieved! I was a little worried *sheepish grin*

Also! February is almost over! Hannah month has been disappointing at best. I think I'm going to go with a more popular one next time, if still debatable in character portrayal. I was going to do a Ravenclaw, but I'm skipping to Slytherin to stir up participation.

A silly gift to my flisters. Seamus is for veracity and eldee.

( Ministry Love Notes )