While Stumbling Where Our Hearts Beat Regular Time | PG-13 | ~11,000
Kevin Jonas/Mike Carden | Werewolf AU, also featuring vampires

Kevin had been born this way; he’s been changing since he was thirteen. There’s pain, but it doesn’t hurt. It just *is.* It’s just his bones doing what they’re supposed to do, and he licks blood off his knees and paws before padding over to his half open window and jumping down onto the fire escape.

Important A/N: Firstly, this is NOT an A little Less Sixteen Candles… AU, however, just to confuse and astound you, I’ve used some characters from that verse. Secondly, I did research! But did I do werewolf research? Of course not. I spent an inordinate amount of time researching the fable that Ryan tells Kevin, one single scene (but it’s totally integral!) – the rest, well. I’m a bullshitter, not a fact-checker. I bullshit with confidence; it’s what got me through 4 years of college. This isn’t beta’d, but only because I wanted to get it up in time for Halloween. I at least had starflowers (who is lovely and helpful!) check it for plot-holes :) Title is from Kissing the Beehive by Wolf Parade. Happy Halloween!


( While Stumbling Where Our Hearts Beat Regular Time )

The Scene Isn’t What It’s Been | PG-13 | ~5,500
Mike Carden/Kevin Jonas, The Academy Is…, Jonas Brothers, Cobra Starship, Panic!, Fall Out Boy

Brendon’s more of an in-your-face naked guy, while Mike’s nakedness sneaks up on you out of nowhere. It’s like Kevin doesn’t realize Mike isn’t wearing pants until he realizes Mike *isn’t wearing pants.*

a/n: this ridiculous piece of tour dating – yes, tour dating - was written because I wanted to have Kevin meet Drunk Naked Guy!Carden from DSIDWY and Commando!Carden from Break Away. It’s not necessary to read those fics to understand this one, but you might want to anyway. Cobra Jenga (though not called Cobra Jenga at the time) is something my friends and I used to play in college; it’s stupid fun, but gets expensive when you don’t play with the same exact group of people, especially when you get as specific with the pieces as we always did. Title comes from TMBG’s The End of The Tour. Unbeta’d, because I really didn’t think it was worth it – please point out any mistakes :) One day I will write one of these from Mike’s pov, promise.

( The Scene Isn’t What It’s Been )

Sometimes You’re Already There | PG-13 | ~ 6,000
Spencer/Jon, Brendon/Ryan-ish

Spencer has always been very practical. The problem is, there’s his real life, and then there’s Ryan.

A/N: So a little while ago I asked for amnesty for this Ghost Whisperer AU thing I tricked myself into writing, and most of you wouldn’t give it to me. So you only have yourselves to blame. Spencer sees dead people. Crack that gets weirdly angsty at parts. Title is from Not Going Home by The Elected. Quickly written and unbeta'd so please point out any errors!

( Sometimes You’re Already There )

NINJA | PG-13 | ~32,000
Kevin Jonas/Mike Carden (also: Kevin/Zac Efron, Brendon/Spencer, Bill/Miranda, Pete/Ashlee, Pete/Patrick)

There are grooves in Kevin’s fingers from where he’s gripping his bass, soft, but calloused underbellies digging into the strings. It’s enough pain to ground him; he releases the strings backwards, the positioning a direct reverse of the beginning of In Front And Heavy. This is it. There’s no going back, even if one of the kids singing along in twenty minutes recognizes the curve of Miranda’s mouth, the timbre of Brendon’s voice, the strawberry blonde curl of Patrick’s hair under his knit cap; Bill’s splayed, spidery legs, Kevin’s wrists, fingers – the white band of skin that isn’t hidden by a thin band of silver.

*We are your losers, your loud weirdoes, your science stars, your shy, retiring band geeks*, Kevin thinks, and sets off for the stage.

A/N: This is it. The completely pointless, self-indulgent high school AU about a secret band playing secret music and writing a secret blog. I kind of hope you enjoy it. Massive thanks to insunshine for the excellent beta-work, and also to starflowers, who cheered me on through this entire thing. This actually had a different title, but then I thought, fuck it, because it's always been NINJA in my head. (ps – more notes at the end about who’s who in some of the blogged about bands, if you’re curious)

( NINJA )

Never Needed It Now So Much | PG-13 | ~3,000
Kevin Jonas/Mike Carden | the high school AU that isn't NINJA

“Um.” Kevin twists his fingers together and tries to think of a non-pathetic way to beg Carden not to kill and eat him. He’d totally be gamey and, like, like—juicy and tender, *oh sweet baby Jesus*, who the heck is he kidding? Kevin would be *delicious*, he’s all solid and active and healthy and stuff, it’s like his mom’s been feeding him up for years and years for this exact moment. Have another apple, son, someday a scary-intense, super hot guy is going to *eat you alive*.


a/n: quick and dirty au ficcy thing, starring Carden, Kevin, Chislett and Brendon. Kevin's paranoid, and Carden might be trying to kill him. Or something. Title is from The Go! Team, please point out any mistakes, and also go join sodamnskippy: I'm going to pimp that for forever :)

( Never Needed It Now So Much )

Revival | PG-13 | 4,000+
Kevin Jonas/Mike Carden

Mike looks from Kevin to Nick to Joe, who’s behind Nick, to Nick and then to Kevin again. “Oh, fuck me,” he says. “You’re a Jonas brother.”

A/N: Silly little small town AU, where TAI, Gabe and Greta live in a small town, and the JoBros are still the JoBros, with minor adjustments. There are FOLK BATTLES. And Joe reads a book. Written over the past day, quick and dirty; let me know if you spot any mistakes! (also, you should go join sodamnskippy and have your own fun with these two!)


( Revival )

So, at some point my phone does a teeny tiny ding? And I totally flubbed some words but kept on trucking anyway. And I also got seriously hoarse towards the end (there are many outtakes of me coughing. or giggling.) But! Those things aside, I think this was possibly the easiest one I've recorded to date. Oh man, this was my very first bandslash story *sigh* Good times.

fic is here: There Should Be A Name For Something Like This

It was the best idea Brendon had ever had, ever.

download the podfic (perm link courtesy of general_jinjur!)

Please comment if you download! Enjoy :)

Fittingly, nunshavingfun has recorded How not to eat a cat, in which Frank is TV's Alf and he really, really, really wants to eat Joe's cat. Or baby cats. Any cats you'd see fit to give him.

fic is here: How not to eat a cat

When Frank crash-lands on earth, he makes the most of it. Sure, his home planet is destroyed, he’s likely the only survivor, and sometimes he stares at his communication console – in patched together pieces, sitting in Bob’s garage – and thinks about all he’s lost, but generally he just hangs around with Joe, bugs the crap out of Bob, and commiserates with the dog about how much they both want to eat the cat. Sweet, delicious cat.

download the podfic (perm. link courtesy of general_jinjur!)

Please comment if you download! Let nunshavingfun know how much she rocks :)

Bust Your Move | ~3,000 | PG-13
Kevin/Mike

Kevin’s breathing goes all shuddery, bordering on gasping, and Carden oh-so-slowly pets him there, right on the side of his throat, and shushes him and Kevin thinks, a little hysterical, that if he’s trying to calm him down the petting thing is totally not working.

A/N: So, just to confuse you a little, this is an AU of the show JONAS, in which the Jonas Brothers are actually the Lucas brothers, and have a band called JONAS and go to a private school and their friend Stella acts as their stylist and this girl Macy is their biggest, weirdest fan. And a while ago I wrote on Twitter how much more awesome the show would be if Rival!Band!The Academy Is... were in it, and then I promptly forgot about that, and then I wrote this yesterday. Herein lies pointless high school shenanigans, Nick's one-sided feud with Bill Beckett, and making out in cars and ball closets and libraries. Yeah. This is also kind of lame, forgive me.

( Bust Your Move )

In The Movement | PG | ~1000
Mike Carden/Kevin Jonas | follows Dancing Goes All Night

“Notice how the skinny tie makes him look less like he’s carrying shrunken baby heads around in his pockets.”

A/N: for shutyourface, who thinks Carden “would kill you dead & then go get a burger while your bloody body cooled in the trunk of his car.” This is kind of like cracky schmoop or something, and may possibly only be completely hilarious to me. Please point out any errors!

hilariously perfect manip by celebutaunt!!!

( In The Movement )

wow, okay, it feels really weird updating this instead of just twitter! hmmmmm. I'm on Dreamwidth (same name), and even though I'm not updating it (yet) feel free to friend me over there. And I know probably everyone and their mom is already on it, but I've got two one invite code if anybody wants it - just let me know.

SECONDLY. This new high school Mike Carden/Kevin Jonas fic that I'm writing feels kind of epic. And, like, sprawling. Which probably means lots of rambling, and I've also created a fake blog for it and basically the concept is that Brendon, Kevin, Patrick, Bill and Miranda Cosgrove (hello random! I just love her, she's so adorable) are the school weirdos/losers (although not really Bill, Bill's their token cool guy) and are in a SECRET BAND together called NINJA (all caps, yes) and at night they sneak out and and change up their looks (Kevin straightens his hair!) and go out to watch bands and then review them on their SECRET BLOG and no one knows who they are (and it's a little like Pump Up The Volume in that respect. Vaguely. Not really, but the concept's there) and they only post their music for downloads, they don't perform it live, and they are AWESOME and everyone loves them. And then there's the backstory where Mike keeps saving Kevin from bullies and Mike’s surly and thinks Kevin needs to defend himself, and he pushes him around, only not with intent to harm, leading to rough kisses and “Jesus Christ, kid, you drive me crazy,” and other good stuff. ALSO, Ryan is in a one-man folk band called Tenderfoot Junction, he's SO COOL. I'm having lots of fun with this blog thing, let me tell you. I have to make myself write the story first before I start going crazy with it. More than I already have, at least.

And that is all! Nothing else is going on, I'm lame like that.

Dancing Goes All Night | PG | 2,000+
Mike Carden/Kevin Jonas | Coda to Dancing Without Warning

The thing is, if they’d wanted him to actually pay attention to the interview, they shouldn’t have sat him next to the lady with the polar bear cub.

A/N: THIS IS THE VERY DEFINITION OF SCHMOOP. Must needs have read Dancing Without Warning first, obviously. Title still comes from The Art of Dancing by Bronx Cheerleader. Unbeta’d fluff, written in a couple hours, so please point out any mistakes :)

( Dancing Goes All Night )

A Handholding Song | PG-13 | 15,000+
Joe/Bob, Brendon/Spencer, Frank/Gerard (with background William/Gabe, implied Jon/Ryan & blink-and-you’ll-miss-it Butcher/Siska)

“I’m gonna write a song about you,” Joe says. “It’ll be a handholding song, I hope you don’t mind if I make you a girl.”

A/N: THE HOBO JOE AU! It’s finished! And it's, like, an uber schmoopy meet-cute, but whatever. So many thanks to insunshine for beta’ing this – I’ve recently realized that I phrase things in epically weird ways, and some of it is just my style, but most of it is just stupid, and she totally calls me on it every time. And! TNBC was real, as was Hang Time, and those were my Saturday mornings for years (years spent in college and beyond! Real-life careers require California Dreams and City Guys, is all I’m saying).

( A Handholding Song )

Dancing Without Warning | PG-13 | 9000+
Kevin Jonas/Mike Carden | The Jonas Brothers, The Academy Is..., Jon Walker

“Let me get this straight,” Nick says, ignoring Joe’s snickers. “You accidentally implied that Mike Carden is a rapist.”

In which there is an elevator, a bet and the VMAs, leading to drunkenness, misunderstandings, and some approximation of dating. Mike is prickly, and Kevin is unwittingly a douche.

Contains minor references to Property of the Queen and Laser Cats, because Andy Samberg is a genius.

A/N: This was supposed to be a tiny little one-off about Mike and Kevin in an elevator. I don’t know what happened, but I’m blaming Bill Beckett. Unbeta’d, ridiculous, schmoopy, angsty, faily boys failing at love, told in snippets of various shapes, sizes and times. Title comes from The Art of Dancing by Bronx Cheerleader.

( Dancing Without Warning )

Saponification | PG-13 | multiple pairings | 19,000+
Sequel to Supersaturation, Solvation, Enthalpy, Entropy, Sublimation, Allotropy and Adsorption.

“I don’t usually follow gossip,” Brendon says, which is a blatant, bald lie, “but word is Crawford’s got an imaginary friend.”

A/N: For those of you who skipped Adsorption because of the JoBros, I strongly urge you to reconsider (Carden is awesome!) – I’m gonna say you probably need to have read ALL stories that have come before, and I’m gonna say that because I basically throw every character ever at you in this one. Except for, I’m sad to say, most of Panic. Fear not, they shall be the focus of the very next installment! Saying that, Saponification (title tongue-in-cheek) is about a slight mystery surrounding Joe, Gerard, Johnson and Ian. To make things slightly less confusing, have a Supersaturation Character Cheat Sheet! There are Nickelodeon and Disney people now! I blame Bonus.
Much awesome thanks to insunshine for the kick-ass beta-job. I totally don’t have favorites, but this is for druidspell (my best ‘verse supporter), nunshavingfun (I fixed Joe for you!!!), and starflowers (whose mere existence makes me smile).

( Saponification )