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slashy ficlet

This is for littleleggylulu. She requested Draco/Ron to cheer her up, and while I'm normally horrible at writing on demand, as it were - since my muse is a tricky, hateful bitch - I got inspired.

Title: Forfeit
Pairing: Draco/Ron
Rating: Um. I think it just warrants an R.
Summary: Draco is completely straight. Honestly. (PWP)
Author notes: My goal for this short piece was to fit as many clichés in as I could. This is purposefully cheesy, since I'm incapable of writing straight pr0n (and by "straight" I mean non-comedic). This is un-beta'd, baked fresh.

Forfeit

There was nothing unusual with Draco Malfoy waking up in the arms of company, so he didn’t immediately panic. Something was off about it, though, something he couldn’t quite put his finger on, and he was loathe to move his head from the firm pillow of a chest, pale and smooth under his cheek, without remembering at least part of the night before.

And then there was a low, rumbling growl of a yawn and Draco suddenly realized, yes, the person he was sprawled across was male, and that was definitely new.

Still. He wasn’t one to automatically freak out about things. Well, all right. He was really good at freaking out, actually, but the situation probably required more finesse than screeching the male person out of his bed, since the bloke felt big, and Draco was rather attached to his features as they were.

A wide palm slid up his unclad thigh – really, how could he have let that happen? – calloused and warm on his skin, so he pulled up and away to tell the man to back off as politely as possible, only to find himself staring down at Ron Weasley. Ron fucking Weasley.

“What the hell?”

Ron’s hand slipped over an arse cheek, squeezing lightly in time with a sleepy grin. “Morning to you, too.”

“What are you doing in my bed? What are you doing naked in my bed?” Draco demanded, reaching behind him to bat Ron’s grip away with little success.

“I won you,” he answered smugly. “And this is my bed.”

“You won… me…” And suddenly it all came rushing back. The wager. The stupid wager with Pansy and Potter, and Vincent making a complete arse of himself. His attempt to get as drunk as wizardly possible – which had apparently worked. Though the results seemed the exact opposite of what he’d been going for. “I can’t believe you, Weasley,” he hissed, and he would’ve crossed his arms in an indignant pout if they hadn’t been the only things keeping his bare chest off Ron’s bare chest. “You took advantage of me! And why the hell don’t I have a bloody hangover so you’d at least be a blurry mess of red to me right now, and I’d have the added pleasure of puking all over you!”

Ron, to Draco’s everlasting ire, chuckled. And then he wriggled his hips closer, wrapped his hands over Draco’s upper arms, and tugged him down on top of him again. “My brothers are geniuses.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Draco snapped, holding himself rigid, nose only inches above Ron’s and eyes locked. The man’s eyes were nearly navy and looked soft and amused, and Draco wondered where the fuck all the enmity between them had gone.

“Means you had enough of their new Have An Excellent Morning liquor to fell a graphorn. And you’re certainly having an excellent morning,” he purred, and the novelty of a Weasley purring in his ear, coupled with those velvety, appealing, flirting irises, caused Draco to pause and momentarily take stock of his body.

His cock, it seemed, adored the redhead, was plump along the cradle of his pelvis.

Huh.

He rocked his hips experimentally, and his breath hitched as he wrung a funny little mewl from Ron, and damn it. That little noise was possibly the hottest thing he’d ever heard in his life. “Weasley,” Draco gasped in a last ditch protest, moving into him again, thrusting against Ron’s return lift and twist. “I’m straight.”

“Oh yeah,” Ron’s fingers curled over the soft edges of his shoulder blades, thumbs smoothing the tense rippling of muscle as Draco arched his back, “I know.” He licked the blond’s lower lip, then settled his open mouth at his throat, high up, tongue flat on his pulse.

“So,” Draco struggled to form words, head tipped back and panting, “very,” his erection slid along Ron’s in a slow, firm drag, “straight.”

“Right,” Ron said, and Draco thought the distinct lack of mocking in his voice was testament to how much the redhead wanted him, since the idea – right then – of Draco being interminably straight was way past laughable and mired firmly in ridiculous.

With Ron’s wide pink lips nipping a path along his collarbone, though, Draco didn’t much care.

“Let’s,” Draco started, and Ron hooked a leg around his calf, rolling them so his larger frame draped over him, “yes.”

“Okay,” Ron agreed, and Draco wasn’t exactly sure what he was agreeing about, but then his mouth opened over his, tongue sweeping over his teeth and licking inside, and the blond’s hands came up to grip Ron’s hair, tilting his head to clash harder and deeper and there was sucking involved, of all sorts, and Draco thought Ron was really above par at kissing. Way above par. He might even compliment him on it later.

“God,” Draco broke off, breathing heavy and wet. Ron smelled, tasted, just like vanilla and cinnamon, when by all rights both of them should’ve stank like burnt dog hair. Weasley’s brothers really were geniuses.

A full body shiver visibly coursed its way up through Ron, and the redhead touched his forehead to Draco’s, a low murmur of, “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” slipping like fond whispers past his lips. And then he worked a hand between them, sweat making the going easy for normally blunt, roughened fingers, enclosing around both their cocks, pressing them more firmly together and jerking up; a slow, hot wank that pooled even more tingling warmth at the base of Draco’s spine, the curve under his abdomen, and, for some inexplicable reason, the arch of his feet.

It was unbelievable, how very not straight Draco was. How had he not realized that before?

He didn’t much like the mess, though, and as both their breathing slowed to just above sleep-steady, and Ron was no longer a sexy press of flesh, but a heavy, boneless mass weighing him down, he pinched the redhead’s side viciously and snapped – though it lacked much of his customary sneer – “I don’t recall our wager having anything to do with sex, Weasley.”

Ron lurched to the side with a tired groan. “Servitude. Sex,” he said, voice muffled by a pillow. “Same thing, Malfoy.” His head popped up, hair mussed adorably – and that thought nearly made Draco want to stab a spork in his eye, but he was far too sated to give a serious fuck – and his grin was wide as he went on, “Unless you want to wash my socks.”

“I’m not a common house-elf,” Draco huffed, and he didn’t bother to protest when Ron maneuvered him closer, dragging the sheet up to settle at their waists before curling his arms around him.

Ron yawned nosily into Draco’s hair, then said, “Good,” in a low hush.

Sighing, the blond’s eyes drooped closed. A week at Weasley’s mercy; if he remembered correctly, that was the forfeit of the lost bet.

He wondered idly how he could finagle something a bit more permanent, what angle he could work, and when the sleepy, errant, insanely inappropriate thought didn’t immediately set the bed to flame, he figured it might be worth it to find out.

Comments

( 56 robots have taken off their pants — Take off your pants )
Page 1 of 2
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boxing__clever
Aug. 31st, 2005 11:00 am (UTC)
Loved it! Even when you do fit as many clichés in your ficlets as possible they are so freakin' hilarious. And really when you have two hot boys in bed together, do cliches really matter?
skoosiepants
Aug. 31st, 2005 08:05 pm (UTC)
*grins* thanks m'dear! cliches are always fun to work with, and yes. Hot boys tend to make them moot :)
fanfictionfan
Aug. 31st, 2005 11:06 am (UTC)
Oh, that was great. Just what I needed to perk up my afternoon, some Ron/Draco luvin. Thanks for cheering me up!
skoosiepants
Aug. 31st, 2005 08:05 pm (UTC)
thanks, and glad to be of service! *hugs*
shmanet_janet
Aug. 31st, 2005 11:16 am (UTC)
*melts*

that, my friend, was hot. and funny. hunny or fot...if you will. it certainly improved my afternoon.:)
skoosiepants
Aug. 31st, 2005 08:06 pm (UTC)
it certainly improved my afternoon.:) *grins* excellent :) glad you liked!
ex_ella_bane358
Aug. 31st, 2005 11:26 am (UTC)
"Fuck, fuck, fuck" slipping like fond whispers past his lips.

For some weird reason, this line really got to me :) Thanks for the excellent Ron/Draco smut ♥
skoosiepants
Aug. 31st, 2005 08:07 pm (UTC)
Glad you liked it! *hugs*
lazigyrl
Aug. 31st, 2005 12:49 pm (UTC)
That was fun. I love Ron's "Servitude. Sex. Same thing.".

lds

P.S. Spork - my favourite utensil.
skoosiepants
Aug. 31st, 2005 08:07 pm (UTC)
*grins* sporks are awesome! *hugs*
the_bookdork
Aug. 31st, 2005 12:59 pm (UTC)
Mm. I do love me some pr0n, even with cliches. Nice work there and the bit with the hangover cure was genius. What a pity we Muggles have to face the morning stinking and wretching. But Ron and Draco are too pretty for that, see? *grins*
skoosiepants
Aug. 31st, 2005 08:08 pm (UTC)
What a pity we Muggles have to face the morning stinking and wretching. But Ron and Draco are too pretty for that, see? *giggles* my point exactly :)
insipid_paragon
Aug. 31st, 2005 02:05 pm (UTC)
The man’s eyes were nearly navy and looked soft and amused, and Draco wondered where the fuck all the enmity between them had gone.
Enmity goes the way of the dodo as soon as cocks get involved. *nods knowingly* Happens every time. And aren't we all just so pleased when it happens, too...especially between Ron and Draco with you at the helm, skoosiepants! Delicious, as always.
skoosiepants
Aug. 31st, 2005 08:10 pm (UTC)
Enmity goes the way of the dodo as soon as cocks get involved. too true!

Delicious, as always. thankee! I'm always wary about posting smut. don't know why...
smalldiver
Aug. 31st, 2005 02:17 pm (UTC)
Oh. My...

*Runs off to take a cold shower*
skoosiepants
Aug. 31st, 2005 08:10 pm (UTC)
*grins*
littleleggylulu
Aug. 31st, 2005 03:16 pm (UTC)
THANK YOU!!!!!
I love you, love you, love you, LOVE YOU!!!!!!!
Thank you sooooo much! You have no idea how much I needed that! (since posting yesterday they have cut my leg open and told me to stay off of it for a week...and I get my very own home-care nurse visiting me everyday! But I don't get to move house this weekend!)
It was hilarious and hot! Mmmmm....

“You took advantage of me! And why the hell don’t I have a bloody hangover so you’d at least be a blurry mess of red to me right now, and I’d have the added pleasure of puking all over you!”

A full body shiver visibly coursed its way up through Ron, and the redhead touched his forehead to Draco’s, a low murmur of, “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” slipping like fond whispers past his lips.


Thank you again! Major luffs to you! Forever!
skoosiepants
Aug. 31st, 2005 08:12 pm (UTC)
Re: THANK YOU!!!!!
dude, things just get worse for you! I hope you're feeling better soon, and I'm glad you enjoyed this bit :)
pixelarious
Aug. 31st, 2005 03:44 pm (UTC)
Ahaha that was awesome. You write such excellent R/D, for serious. And yes, cliches up the wazoo, but after a while I just tuned them out. I'd love to see what happened the rest of the week...
: )
Great job, and hawt too.
skoosiepants
Aug. 31st, 2005 08:12 pm (UTC)
Great job, and hawt too. thank you, hon! glad you liked it *hugs*
megaloo13
Aug. 31st, 2005 04:20 pm (UTC)
I enjoyed that a lot, yeah for cliches! ;) You certainly are good at both the funny and the hot.

Also, the word "spork" always makes me giggle. It is the most amusing utensil I know. Mind you, spatula isn't far behind. ;)
skoosiepants
Aug. 31st, 2005 08:14 pm (UTC)
You certainly are good at both the funny and the hot. *grins* why thank you :)

omg "spatula" is hilarious, you are so right! *giggles* though, yes. nothing trumps the spork :)
dustbunnies710
Aug. 31st, 2005 06:42 pm (UTC)
Love love love love love.
This is spectacular:)
Great Work!!
<3
skoosiepants
Aug. 31st, 2005 08:14 pm (UTC)
thank you! *hugs*
audrey1nd
Aug. 31st, 2005 06:45 pm (UTC)
squee! that was so cute! yay! draco/ron sex. w00t! *is now happy and will no longer pester about getting back to draco and ron's date*
skoosiepants
Aug. 31st, 2005 08:15 pm (UTC)
*grins* I've sated you for a bit? *giggles* glad you liked! *hugs*
likecandy_sweet
Aug. 31st, 2005 06:56 pm (UTC)
You write the funniest smut evah. How DO you do that?

His cock, it seemed, adored the redhead, was plump along the cradle of his pelvis.

Huh.


I'm telling you, girl, you could have a career in porn.

Think about it.
skoosiepants
Aug. 31st, 2005 08:16 pm (UTC)
I'm telling you, girl, you could have a career in porn. *giggles* comedic porn! Or, you know, purposefully comedic porn!
britt_1975
Aug. 31st, 2005 06:59 pm (UTC)
There were cliches? I missed them!! I guess I have to read again. *sigh* what a trial.

*GAH*

Okay...as long as you are taking requests...more NightHawk DANGIT!!!

*hugs* You know I love you Skoosie!
skoosiepants
Aug. 31st, 2005 08:17 pm (UTC)
Okay...as long as you are taking requests...more NightHawk DANGIT!!! *laughs* You have no idea how long I've been stuck right stab in the middle of the next chapter... I'm hoping to get an epiphany soon :)
jux_ta_pose
Sep. 1st, 2005 03:44 am (UTC)
Oh *giggles* yummy, Draco as Ron's slave for a week. That was alot of fun, thanks for the read.
skoosiepants
Sep. 1st, 2005 05:20 am (UTC)
thanks for reading *grins* these boys are too fun to play with :)
indigo_star8
Sep. 1st, 2005 09:19 pm (UTC)
Mmm, that was hot and delicious. Just like...well,.. pie.. and s'mores and draco and ron and blaise and I'll stop now.

Loved it.
skoosiepants
Sep. 2nd, 2005 12:04 pm (UTC)
*grins* Thankee :)

Mmmmmm... pie.
(Anonymous)
Sep. 2nd, 2005 01:24 am (UTC)
hahaha

The "drag" before "straight" was luffly :D.


And really funny. Wield them funnies.
kirili
Sep. 2nd, 2005 01:25 am (UTC)
whoops. apologies.
(no subject) - skoosiepants - Sep. 2nd, 2005 12:04 pm (UTC) - Expand
be_a_rebel
Sep. 2nd, 2005 11:23 am (UTC)
A full body shiver visibly coursed its way up through Ron, and the redhead touched his forehead to Draco’s, a low murmur of, “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” slipping like fond whispers past his lips. And then he worked a hand between them, sweat making the going easy for normally blunt, roughened fingers, enclosing around both their cocks, pressing them more firmly together and jerking up; a slow, hot wank that pooled even more tingling warmth at the base of Draco’s spine, the curve under his abdomen, and, for some inexplicable reason, the arch of his feet.

It was unbelievable, how very not straight Draco was. How had he not realized that before?


Do you know how much I love you?? Oh ... the image of Draco at Ron's mercy for a week...I think my brain might have melted.
skoosiepants
Sep. 2nd, 2005 12:06 pm (UTC)
*grins* Ron, Draco, mercy, cliches. Fun stuff *hugs you*
eldee
Sep. 2nd, 2005 05:01 pm (UTC)
Yay for hot, cliched smut!

Delicious, darling, simply delicious. *grin*
skoosiepants
Sep. 2nd, 2005 05:13 pm (UTC)
thankya very much *grins*
jess_bot
Sep. 3rd, 2005 03:46 pm (UTC)
*delurks*
*huffs in irritation*
I wouldn't be DE-lurking if my computer didn't go all broken on me.
Do you know how hard it is to read smutty hot boylove in the library? People look at you funny... very funny.
I loved it, I shall always love it.
And now I am off to read Dirty Trousers, Hogwarts in Space (did I tell you how much I loved Muppets in Space?) and Dont Feed... because it's been a very very long time.
*loves you*
skoosiepants
Sep. 4th, 2005 07:33 am (UTC)
Jess!!! *hugs you* It's been forever, but your computer broke? Oh god, I would die. *shakes head*

Do you know how hard it is to read smutty hot boylove in the library? People look at you funny... very funny. *laughs* I do it at work... not much better :)
screamerdreamer
Sep. 3rd, 2005 07:29 pm (UTC)
That was quite lovely, clichéd or not, I enjoyed it :D
skoosiepants
Sep. 4th, 2005 07:34 am (UTC)
thank you :) *hugs*
slashobsessed
Sep. 7th, 2005 09:22 pm (UTC)
You rock! Sometimes there's nothing better than some cliched boy sex and you nailed it - good job!
skoosiepants
Sep. 8th, 2005 01:26 pm (UTC)
Hee! Glad you liked :)
(Deleted comment)
skoosiepants
Sep. 25th, 2005 10:21 am (UTC)
thanks! :) *hugs you* Sexy!Ron is always fun to write *grins*
cluelessinlife
Oct. 10th, 2005 11:44 pm (UTC)
ROFL you used the word SPORK in a fic!!! You Rock!!
skoosiepants
Oct. 11th, 2005 10:57 am (UTC)
*laughs* glad you liked it :)
Page 1 of 2
<<[1] [2] >>
( 56 robots have taken off their pants — Take off your pants )

....

“You can’t carry me,” Stiles says, and Scott gets a mutinous look in his eyes, like he totally can. Stiles stops moving, leans a little against the corridor wall. “Not an insult to your manly prowess, dude, you just—seriously, you’re not carrying me, I’m not living through that humiliation.” Stiles has lived through a lot of humiliation in the last little while, he thinks he might have cried all over Lydia at one point, on the way back home. He really doesn’t need any more.

- Show You What All That Howl Is For

....







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panic - pants to match ver. 3
skoosiepants
master of karate and friendship
pants to match

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