Making Other Plans | PG-13 | 7400+
Kevin/Mike | Kevin quits showbiz, gets a divorce, goes to college, starts a band, and gets adopted by crazy people.

Kevin brought this on himself, though, he can admit that. He could have said no to the band and the house and the roommates and the mentally challenged cat. Kevin has made his bed, and now he must lie in it.

Written for the sodamnskippy xmas gift-fic exchange extravaganza. For appending_fic, who wanted: Wooing or courtship. I'm a sucker for wild crossovers or fusions (as you can tell by browsing my journal). I know it doesn't come up much, but I'd like to see if anyone can make the elder Jonas' interesting or fun with respect to the boys.
So, uh, this isn’t really what you asked for, because I saw wooing and courtship and panicked and then I wrote future fic with Selena Gomez. Yeah. Major props to starflowers who talked me out of quitting completely.

Making Other Plans

I. ASTOR

Selena calls him in the middle of his American Lit class. Nick’s latest song starts playing out of his messenger bag and Kevin turns bright red, because he’s supposed to have that on silent. Or off. Or not with him at all – the professor gives him the stink eye as he fumbles to press his thumb onto the ignore button.

Later, as he’s stepping out into the sunny autumn afternoon, blinking off the dimness of the lecture hall, he listens to Selena’s voicemail with a half-smile.

She says, “Kev, Kip, Kipster, I’ve got the best idea, call me back, okay?”

Kevin calls her walking back to his apartment, but Selena doesn’t pick up. He leaves a message, stuffs the cell into his back pocket, and hums under his breath all the way home.

*

Selena sends him an email filled with lyrics.

She writes, make me something with this, and Kevin doesn’t get what she means, exactly, until he ends up scanning twenty pages of handwritten staff paper onto his computer. She sends him an mp3 back, with, I’m crap at guitar, and Kevin re-records it for her on GarageBand. When it volleys back to him three days later, the words harmonize with me!! as the subject line, he humors her. He’s having fun, whatever this back and forth is. Selena hasn’t outright told him what her best idea is, but that’s okay; he’s busy figuring it out by himself.

They name the finished product We’re the Coolest, and Selena sends him a link to MySpace.

*

Kevin is twenty-seven. He’s been out of the music business for three years and divorced for two. He’s an ex-member of the Jonas Brothers that’s enrolled at WCU; he’s been thinking about maybe getting his teaching license.

And then Selena shows up on his doorstep two weeks into September. She’s got her hair clipped into a fauxhawk, long enough to flop over her forehead, ends dyed a dark red. She’s got chunky, electric blue glasses on and Kevin hardly recognizes her. She says, “Nick and I broke up again,” and Kevin lets her have his bed.

*

This isn’t something he got dragged into because of Nick and Joe. Selena’s first love is acting, she tells him, but she’s perfected the art of sweet young supernatural thing, and she’s not renewing her contract with FOX, and she can do whatever the heck she wants now, and she maybe doesn’t know exactly what that is, but it’s something like this.

And Kevin—he might’ve just fallen into this thing with Selena, but he finds that this - whatever this is, the late nights, the amateur recordings, the coffee-stained reams of music and lyrics - is something he wants. Fiercely.

It’s like he misses something he never really thought he had.

*

They don’t have a band, Kevin tells himself, because they’re mostly anonymous. Their MySpace page says their hometown is a moonbeam. The two members of Astor are Kip (guitar, back-up vocals, ipad synth) and Lena (vocals, imaginary bass, spoons).

Selena’s bass isn’t actually imaginary, but she’s still learning.

By the time they post Heck Yeah, they have a solid following. Kevin isn’t sure how – they’re unknown, with three songs under their belt.

But Selena says, “Don’t you watch TV? Geez, Kev, I slipped Shake Your Pants to the producers of Moon Cursed, they loved it.”

Kevin is not sure what that means. First off all, duh, he watches TV, but no one can pay him enough to watch Moon Cursed, especially since Selena’s no longer on it. Angtsy teen werewolves and true love sounds awesome on paper, but Kevin spent the entire first season hoping Selena’s character would accidentally maul her mopey, drama-queen love interest to death. Second of all, “What?”

Selena waves a hand. “These teen shows, they play music, then tell all the kids where to go get it, it’s super convenient.”

Kevin scratches the back of his neck. “So, like, our MySpace link—”

“Right.” Selena nods, grinning. “We’re what the cool kids call awesome.”

Kevin thinks it’s more of a sheep leading sheep sort of thing, but he’s not going to complain. He’s pretty fond of Shake Your Pants; he’s not the strongest singer, but he thinks his high parts turned out all right.

*

Selena thinks it’s the funniest thing ever, apparently, when Pete Wentz leaves them a comment.

“Oh my god,” she says, palm half covering her mouth. “We’re gonna be famous!”

Never mind the fact that they already are.

Besides, all Wentz wrote was: nice but you guyz need a drummer.

*

Kevin gets Sid from his Wednesday evening poetry workshop to play drums on And This Is Why We Rock.

Sid has red hair, glasses, ten thousand freckles and he just turned twenty-two. He’s thin and lanky and over six feet tall.

Sid and Kevin had gone on exactly one date at the beginning of the semester before Sid realized who he actually was and things got awkward.

Kevin doesn’t blame him. He’d been kind of pumped that Sid hadn’t recognized him at first – his hair’s still got a curl to it, but his face is sharper with age and lack of hearty home-cooking - but he’s still Kevin Jonas, so he gets it.

Things get less weird when they decide to be friends.

*

Sid fixes Kevin’s bathroom sink the third time he’s over and stops the apartment from flooding – more than it already has, at least. He also lifts Selena to safety, and then goes back in to save Kevin’s favorite pair of suede moccasins.

In celebration they officially add Sid (drummer, plumber, expert lover) to Astor’s lineup, and open up a Twitter account.

*

astorlena: @kipster @sidsavior @astortheband we got a gig, boys

sidsavior: @astorlena @kipster how?

astorlena: @sidsavior @kipster my amazing feminine wiles. and that dude, elbow sam, who hangs out at the wawa next to brownies.

kipster: @astorlena @sidsavior I like elbow sam

sidsavior: @astorlena @kipster elbow sam thinks you’re selena gomez

astorlena: @sidsavior @kipster …

kipster: @astorlena @sidsavior wait, what?

*

“Elbow Sam is smarter than Sid, I don’t know how that’s possible,” Selena says, sprawled out on his bed.

Kevin frowns. That’s not exactly true. Sid’s just more of a doer than a thinker; it’s why he’s pretty much failing their poetry workshop. Besides, it’s not like they told him who she was. “Well—”

“He DVRs old episodes of Moon Cursed,” Selena says.

Kevin frowns harder. “I thought you liked Sid.”

“I freaking love Sid,” she says, and then, a little petulant, “He knew who you were.”

Kevin doesn’t say that he probably realized who he actually was because they were sucking face at the time. “Sid’ll figure it out,” Kevin says, only really he’ll just sneak behind Selena’s back and tell Sid that her hair and glasses and oversized hoodies are just a front and how she really is Selena Gomez, best known for her starring roles as Alex Russo, teen wizard, and Kitsen Campbell, not-so-teen werewolf, she-beast thing. Seriously, if she accidentally ate someone that show would’ve been so much cooler.

Selena makes a face, like she knows exactly what Kevin’s going to do, but she doesn’t call him on it. Instead, she says, “So. Gig.”

“We only have five songs,” Kevin says. He’s not even sure Paintball Wizard counts, mostly Sid and Kevin had been messing around.

“It’ll be awesome,” Selena says. “Don’t worry.”

*

Kevin worries, because he’s pretty sure he only knows one guitar stance, and he’s afraid everyone will recognize his thighs and mock them.

He worries because he really strains his voice to hit those Shake Your Pants notes.

He worries because they might suck, and maybe it’ll be over before they even really begin.

Kevin grows a beard in a fit of nerves. He kind of likes it.

“You sure can grow a mean beard,” Sid says, standing behind him in the bathroom.

“I think I finally look manly,” Kevin says, rubbing at his scruff, chin tipped up proudly. He hasn’t shaved in five days, it’s pretty impressive.

Sid cracks up. Practically folds in half and laughs until he sounds like he’s choking on his own spit, and it’s really not that funny.

“You’re just jealous,” Kevin says, because Sid’s beard comes in gold and nearly invisible.

Selena shouts from the other room, “If you get to have a beard, I’m totally getting a tattoo.”

*

Selena gets a bunch of temporary tattoos – butterflies of all shapes and sizes and colors arranged on her left shoulder and bicep – because she’s not a fan of pain or permanence. Kevin suspects this is mainly why she broke up with Nick. He doesn’t know for sure, but Kevin isn’t getting involved with that at all; he’s definitely not picking sides.

But Selena gets her tattoos and Kevin’s got his beard – although it itches something terrible – and they play a gig in a basement bar just off campus.

“Hi, all,” Selena says. She settles her bass around her neck, and Kevin thinks he’s the only one who can see the slight tremor in her fingers. The bar is not small, but it seems that way, with low ceilings and dark walls and a good-sized crowd of people. “I’m Lena, and my buddy on the guitar over there is Kip.”

Kevin waves, feeling more nervous on stage than he’s ever been before.

“And on the drums,” she says, “our savior Sid.”

Sid hits the hi-hat once.

“We’re Astor.” Selena’s newsboy cap is shading her eyes, even when she tips her face up to her mike. She’s got on a white tank and low-riding jeans and her fake tattoos look awesome. “We’re folksy cabaret with pop-punk roots. This is a little ditty we like to call I’m More Interested in Your Hat. We hope you like it.”

*

It turns out that people had actual come to see them.

They even know the words.

Only about five of them, down in front, but still. They aren’t screaming teenage girls, either, it’s pretty awesome.

He doesn’t think he’s ever been this pumped after a performance before, this thrilled, and the whole bar smells like butt and Kevin brushes off all the, “You know you kind of look like—” with a shrug and a smile and a scratch to his beard.

*

Kevin doesn’t tell Nick and Joe what’s going on. It’s probably the first time ever that he doesn’t tell Nick and Joe what he’s up to, but he doesn’t want Nick telling him all the ways it’ll go wrong, and he doesn’t want Joe telling him all the way’s he’s doing it wrong, so this is just his and Selena’s secret for the moment, and he’s fine with that.

He doesn’t say a word when Pete Wentz contacts them again.

He doesn’t say a word when Pete Wentz asks them to play at AK47 in December, based solely on the posted video of their performance at a seedy little West Chester ratskeller, because apparently he thinks their cover of Gym Class Heroes’ The Queen and I is both hilarious and genius.

They get a comment signed Bill of TAI that says, I laughed until I cried, and, one of my boys has a crush on you, and Kevin has no idea what that means, even after he Googles TAI.

“It means one of his boys has a crush on us,” Sid says, like maybe Kevin has mental problems.

Kevin still doesn’t get it, though. He’s staring at a picture of The Academy Is… and thinks it’s a little weird that one of these guys has a crush on them. Or one of them. Or Selena. They all look pretty cool.

And then he remembers that Kip isn’t Kevin Jonas, and Lena isn’t Selena Gomez, and Sid is darn right awesome, so maybe to everyone else Astor looks pretty cool, too.

*

They get Sid’s friend Duncan to cart them to gigs, because Duncan has a van.

Technically, Kevin or Selena could just buy a van, but Selena didn’t volunteer, and Kevin kind of feels like it’d cheapen the experience. They’re on new-band road trips. They’ll live off of Cheetos and cheap beer. Only, you know, not the beer part. And they’ll probably need protein at some point, even though Kevin’s gotten really good at surviving on ramen.

Duncan’s van is a sweet econoline with an airbrushed wizard on the side. He leans on the side panel and leers at Selena and she just laughs in his face.

He says, “So what do you guys play?” and Selena says, “Dance-rock pop with folksy undertones, I like to call it the Revolution,” with jazz hands, because she’s messing with him.

Duncan bobs his head, though, eyes smiling. “Yeah. I get that.”

*

Duncan introduces them to his little sister Evie Leigh, nineteen and an art major with a music theory concentration. Kevin grabs his guitar and holes up in his room with her and her Casio and Sid’s bongo drum. They sprawl on his bed and play acoustic Frightened Rabbit covers and Selena sneaks in and videos The Twist, and My Backwards Walk, and half of Old Old Fashioned before Sid cracks up and ruins it.

Four hours after posting it online, they’ve already got almost five hundred hits and two hundred and forty-three comments.

Nobody knows who he is, but apparently it’s still a novelty to hear him say “shit.”

*

They add Evie Leigh (calypso magic ivory tickler, now with karate chop action) to their site at three in the morning, giggling over too much hot chocolate and sugar cookies.

Kevin shaves his beard.

Selena writes I <3 SID on the inside of Kevin’s arm in permanent sharpie, and KEVIN IS A GIRL on the middle of Sid’s back.

*




II. NEW YORK

The drive to New York and Pete Wentz is not a long one, but it’s the longest one they’ve been on so far. Kevin sits in the back next to Selena - he’s sharing leg room with an amp and he’s leaning up against Selena’s bass - and plays Twenty Questions with Selena and Evie Leigh, listening to Duncan sing along with the radio, off-key.

“Does it live on a farm?”

Selena rolls her blowpop to her other cheek. She’s got her back propped up against the window, her feet tucked under Kevin’s thigh. “Nope.”

“Is it bigger than a bread box?”

Selena narrows her eyes. “Maybe. What’s a bread box?”

Kevin isn’t sure, but he uses his hands to approximate the size of a cat.

“No,” Selena says.

“Does it smell?” Evie Leigh asks.

“Yes,” Selena says.

Kevin says, “Is it Sid’s feet?”

Selena laughs and Sid says, “Seriously, guys, that’s getting old,” because Sid’s feet have been the past three answers and no, no it’s not getting old, and it probably never will.

*

Pete has met Kevin before. Kevin’s pretty sure he’s met Selena before too, so he’s relieved that Pete isn’t there to greet them when they get to the club.

He’s not there when they take the stage, or when Selena says, “I’ve been told there’s a special birthday boy here tonight,” or at least Kevin can’t see him in the rowdy crowd.

Selena says, “Pete told me he’d pay us extra if I got Kip to sing this one,” and Evie Leigh starts playing the opening notes of Let’s Have Sex Again On Your Best Friend’s Roommate’s Couch, and Kevin says, “Um,” into his microphone, cheeks hot.

Someone catcalls, and Kevin doesn’t know what to do with that.

Traditionally, Kevin isn’t a singer. He’s willing and able to back Selena up, but he’s not super comfortable on taking the lead. And the song had been mainly a joke, there’s a recording of him and Sid laughing through the entire second verse posted online, but it’s not like Shake Your Pants is any better in the lyrics department. Kevin has never been more serious about anything than he is about Astor, but that doesn’t mean he thinks they’re not completely ridiculous, most of the time.

Kevin clears his throat.

Selena waggles her eyebrows at him.

Kevin says, “Yeah, so, Mike Carden? This is for you.”

*

The lead singer of The Academy Is… is looming over Selena, Kevin recognizes him from his picture.

He has long fingers curled around a stout glass, one angled out to point at them. He says, “Fuck, I was right, you’re Kit Campbell.”

Selena nods slowly and says, “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” with a smirk at the corner of her mouth. She actually likes being recognized, Kevin gets it but he doesn’t get it at the same time.

Beckett’s eyes are big and dark and watery when he demands, “How could you leave Adrian like that, you tramp? His love was pure and true.”

“You spent the whole first season hoping she’d eat him,” some guy says, and when Kevin turns toward him, some guy turns out to be Mike Carden. His short hair is sticking out all over the place and his smile is warm and he’s not handsome at all, except for the way that he’s actually pretty hot. Kevin has always thought so, since he first figured out who TAI was.

“Lies,” Beckett says grandly, liquid sloshing out of his class as he waves his hand. “Slander, even.”

Carden snorts.

Then he tilts his head and looks at Kevin, curious, and Kevin’s heart trips, does this weird spiraling fall down into his stomach. Carden just says, “You shaved your beard,” though.

Kevin bites his lip and rubs a palm over his jaw. “It itched.”

“Right.” Carden nods. He says, “I’m Mike,” and offers his hand.

“Kevin.”

Selena jabs him with an elbow.

“Uh, I mean Kip.” He grimaces, but Mike just arches an amused eyebrow.

*

Kevin camps out in a corner with a rootbeer and watches Evie Leigh shake it on the dance floor with Sid and an even taller guy covered head to toe in neon green.

When Pete Wentz pops up in front of him out of nowhere, Kevin jerks backwards and nearly spills his drink all over the front of his t-shirt.

Pete’s smile is huge and toothy. He says, “Let’s talk about contracts, I wanna take you guys on tour.”

Kevin’s eyes widen and he says, “Lena should probably—”

“I’m calling a spade a spade here, Kevin,” Pete says. He presses a finger to the side of his nose, and Kevin knows the jig is up. “Tell Selena to call me tomorrow. Evie Leigh,” he shouts as he turns back toward the room, “don’t let Gabe sweet talk you into his basement, I know where his mouth’s been.”

*

Selena has sweaty hair stuck to her face, she’s breathless and flushed and laughing as she collapses against Kevin’s side.

“Kev,” she says, “this is the best ever,” and then Duncan swoops in and grabs her around the waist and they’re gone again.

*

“You should be having more fun than this,” Mike says.

Kevin’s belly up to the bar, intent on getting another soda. He smiles over at him. “I am.”

Mike has a wonky grin and intense eyes and amazing forearms, Kevin can see all that, and then he can feel all that even closer, while Mike murmurs, “I don’t believe you,” corner of his mouth touching Kevin’s cheek, breath huffing warm and damp across his ear, arms bracketing Kevin’s sides.

Kevin holds himself shocked-still, like maybe if he moves wrong Mike’ll shift away or come even closer, Kevin’s not sure which one scares him more.

And then Mike wriggles fingers into Kevin’s back pocket and tugs out his cell.

Kevin swallows, throat dry, and says, “What are you doing?”

“Giving you my number.” Mike presses some keys on Kevin’s cell, then pulls out his own phone, already ringing. “And now I have yours.”

Kevin wants to be mad because of the assumption here – the assumption that Kevin wants Mike’s number – but he’s having some trouble concentrating, it feels like too much effort.

*

Kevin drives them home, because he’s the only one who’s sober. Evie Leigh and Duncan are both passed out in the back. Selena is humming softly to herself.

It’s nearly five in the morning, but that’s okay; Kevin’s wired. He’s got tons of sugary soda in his system, plus he’s still coasting off their performance high and whatever he was doing with Mike – Kevin can’t exactly define that, they mostly talked, except for when Mike started sucking on his neck.

Mike was pretty drunk, Kevin isn’t one hundred percent sure he knew what he was doing.

“So you were getting chummy with that guy,” Sid says from the passenger seat. He’s slumped low, big feet up on the dash.

Kevin glances over at him, sees that his eyes are at half mast. There’s a lazily amused grin on his face.

“Mike,” Kevin says.

Sid knocks his shoulder half-heartedly with a fist. “Yep.”

Kevin shrugs, but he can’t help smiling.

*




III. CHRISTMAS

Kevin barely passes his finals. He’s smart and a hard worker, but he’s easily distracted, and Selena takes extra special perverse delight at being a distraction. She sings when he’s trying to read, pokes at him when he’s on the computer and texts him constantly while he’s in class.

“We need a bigger place,” she says, sprawled upside down on the sofa. Her hair’s getting long again, the tips dragging on the carpet.

Selena doesn’t really live there, except for the fact that she’s been living with him for going on three months. Kevin doesn’t point any of this out. He just says, “Okay,” and lets her go apartment hunting with Evie Leigh.

It’ll be cool to sleep on an actual bed again.

*

Selena finds them a house.

She finds them a house that she actually buys, and then Kevin’s moving in along with Evie Leigh and her cat, Munch, and he’s subletting his apartment to Sid.

There’s a fenced-in yard that reminds him how Dani took his dogs, but other than that, he likes it.

*

Mike sends Kevin socks and a Christmas card.

“How did he even get our address?” Kevin says, staring down at the soft, fuzzy pair of socks. There are reindeer on them. And stars.

“Pete Wentz,” Selena says absently, eating cereal at their breakfast bar.

Pete Wentz is probably the answer to a lot of things, Kevin thinks, like why Evie Leigh is being stalked by Gabe Saporta and why Sid has Kanye West as his ringtone and why Selena’s taken to hiding around the house and jumping out at Kevin, shouting, “Shark attack!” and laughing hysterically, because Kevin can’t think of where else all that craziness has come from.

“Huh,” Kevin says. “Okay.”

They look really comfy, and Kevin pulls out his phone to text Mike thanks.

*

Kevin goes home for a week at Christmas, and his mom and dad give him big smiles and hugs and Frankie gives him this narrow-eyed glower, like he knows something that he shouldn’t know, and Joe chatters non-stop about his new movie and Nick doesn’t say anything at all.

Not until later, at least, when he corners him in his old room and says, “Selena’s living with you,” which is—not what he’d been expecting. He should’ve been, in retrospect.

“It’s not what you think,” Kevin says. He actually has no idea what Nick thinks, but odds are that whatever he’s thinking is wrong.

Nick stares at him for a full minute. It’s exactly like Frankie’s stare when he’s beating the pants off Kevin at Uno, and Kevin’s confidence wavers. And then Nick says, “I think you and Selena have a secret band,” and that’s, frankly, creepy as heck. How does he do that?

Kevin scratches the back of his neck and says, “Okay, so, it’s exactly what you think.”

*

Nick and Joe gang up on him. It’s totally uncalled for.

“I have a band, it’s not like I joined a cult!” Kevin says, and then Nick says, “Pete Wentz,” and Kevin makes a face and says, “It’s totally not a cult, you guys suck,” because it’s not, even though the whole existence of Gabe Saporta kind of negates any argument he could make.

Joe says, “Think about the children,” with this earnest yet constipated look, so either he’s secretly running lines for his new movie or he’s finally lost it.

“What?” Kevin says.

Nick elbows Joe in the side.

Joe yelps and says, “What, what? He was a Disney star! And now he’s in a band that sings songs about pot.”

Kevin frowns. First of all, Joe hasn’t exactly taken the high road since JONAS; he played a coked-out hooker two years ago on an episode of NCIS. Second of all—“We don’t have a song about pot.”

Nick opens his laptop, surfs to their MySpace and points at their latest demo, Only Slightly High. “High,” Nick says.

Kevin frowns deeper. “What, like, high up?”

Joe blinks. “You are not this dumb.”

“Well, I’m not—” Kevin says, “Wait. High—oh my gosh.” He is not that dumb, he doesn’t know how he missed that, but to be fair, Sid and Evie Leigh wrote most of that one. Kevin giggles.

Nick smacks the back of his head.

*

kipster: @astorlena merry xmas, Nick knows we’re living together

astorlena: @kipster does he think we’re boning

kipster: @astorlena …

sidsavior: @kipster @astorlena you’re boning?!!!

astorlena: @sidsavior private convo is private

sidsavior: @astorlena @kipster I just threw up in my mouth

sidsavior @astorlena twitter is not private you whore

kipster: @astorlena he thinks we’re in a cult

astorlena: @kipster oh okay then

EvieLeighLee: @astorlena @kipster *I* think we’re in a cult

sidsavior: @astorlena @kipster I can’t believe you’re boning

kipster: @sidsavior please stop saying that

SHITCARDENSAYS: my boyfriend is not boning selena gomez, you fucks, and he’s not my fucking boyfriend

SHITCARDENSAYS: yet

SHITCARDENSAYS: I’m 30 years old, I don’t throw tantrums

SHITCARDENSAYS: stop fucking tweeting everything I say

SHITCARDENSAYS: I’m going to kill everyone

*

Kevin’s family knows he likes guys just as much - or better than, some days - as girls. They’re pretty okay with it. Joe makes faces at him sometimes, but Nick couldn’t give a crap, and Kevin’s parents joined PFLAG and switched churches twice before they felt comfortable believing he wasn’t going to go to Hell for it. Which is nice.

Frankie’s a little harder to read, but he’s fifteen and full up on his own teenage shenanigans – Mom says he almost got expelled for blowing up all the toilets in his high school locker room - he probably doesn’t have a whole lot of time to be judgmental about Kevin’s lifestyle choices.

“How are your classes going, honey?” his mom asks. She huffs a lock of hair out of her eyes, her hands deep in a bowl of cookie batter.

Kevin sucks absently on a spoon, then shrugs. “Okay.” He says, “I have a band with Selena and a guy from my poetry class.”

She pauses, glances up at him. “Nick’s Selena?”

Kevin nods. “We might go on tour next summer.”

She gives him a long look. “You’re not dating, are you?”

“No, geez.” Kevin rolls his eyes. Him and Selena, that’s so gross, and Sid’s never going to shut up about it, either. He thinks about telling her about Mike, and how he sent him socks and also a pack of naked lady cards and a Rubik’s Cube, but he doesn’t. Not because she’d be weird about it, but because he really has no idea what any of that means.

She smiles at him. “Well, as long as you’re having fun. Don’t tell your dad, he’ll want to break out the Winnebago again.”

*




IV. NEW YEAR’S

They play a dive for New Year’s. Selena is wearing a top hat and short pants with lace tights and an over-sized WHAM! t-shirt she’s tied up on one hip, and Kevin has had himself some sticky, fruity pink drinks, which is probably why Kevin is no longer wearing a shirt at all.

He’s also dancing with Evie Leigh and two other girls he doesn’t know. He’s feeling too great to be embarrassed about it.

He stumbles off the dance floor, dizzy and hot.

It’s two minutes to midnight, and Kevin is leaning against the bar next to Sid, who’s making out with someone who looks a lot like Duncan, but can’t be Duncan, because that would be way too weird. Huh.

“Sid’s making out with Duncan,” Kevin says to Selena when she collapses against his side.

She arches an eyebrow. “Are you jealous?”

Kevin takes a slow moment to think about it, because it’s not like he didn’t like Sid, once upon a time. “I don’t think so,” he says finally.

“Good,” she says, “because your boyfriend is way hotter.”

*

Kevin makes a New Year’s resolution. His resolution is to never drink again. He’s pretty sure he’s dying.

“I’m dying,” Kevin says, right cheek pressed down on the blessedly cool kitchen table. There are things – foul, terrible things - going on in his belly and head. If he moves even a little he thinks he’ll probably throw up all over himself.

Selena makes an incoherent noise of pain from across the room, where she’s practically lying on top of the breakfast bar, Munch, a lean and ridiculous orange tabby with semi-crossed eyes and a snaggletooth, perched at her elbow. He looks like he wants to eat her hair.

Evie Leigh swans into the room – swans, Kevin is so jealous, someone still wearing last night’s glitter should not be that graceful – and says, “Who wants coffee?”

Kevin will give his right lung for coffee, and he doesn’t even drink coffee.

Selena says, “I could kiss you,” and Munch kind of gives them this hilarious strangled meow.

*

Kevin has a voicemail each from Joe and Nick. Joe is yelling into his phone above a noisy crowd, and Nick says, “Geez, stay out of trouble, Kev, is your ringback Chester French?”

He has a text from Mike, from exactly midnight. It just says rock on, and it’s dumb, but Kevin’s cheeks heat up and he thinks about actually calling Mike. Like talking to him, hearing his voice, which he hasn’t heard since Mike’s thirtieth birthday bash, and it makes him feel about twelve years old again. And a girl.

Instead he just texts Mike: have a good year!

*




V. MIKE

One day in February, Kevin opens his front door and Mike Carden is standing there, a duffel bag at his feet, hands in his pockets, grinning sheepishly.

Mike says, “Hey,” and Kevin doesn’t have any words that won’t sound stupid coming out of his mouth.

Mike shrugs a little and says, “So, I was in the neighborhood.”

*

Kevin hides in the kitchen and panics while Evie Leigh laughs at him, because Evie Leigh is evil.

Sid says, “Aren’t you dating him?” and Kevin hates Sid, why is Sid even there?

“I’m not—we’re not dating, I barely know him!” Kevin says. He waves his arms around for emphasis. “Do you think he knows who I am?”

“Everyone knows who you are,” Evie Leigh says. “We’ve got about a billion teenage girls following us on Twitter.”

It’s true. Kevin isn’t exactly ashamed by that, but neither is he thrilled. He’s also pretty sure it’s all Selena’s fault. She’s never been very good at keeping a low profile.

Sid peeks out the kitchen door and says, “You’ve been in here a while, he looks kind of pissed,” and Kevin figures, yeah, it probably doesn’t take fifteen minutes to grab a can of soda. Ugh.

When Kevin finally forces himself to go back into the living room, Mike doesn’t look mad. He looks mainly uncomfortable, and then vaguely amused when Kevin cautiously sits down next to him on the couch.

“I don’t bite,” Mike says, and, at Kevin’s flustered laugh, his lips curl up at the edges.

*

They go out for ice cream and Mike smirks at him a lot and swipes at Kevin’s lower lip with his thumb and Kevin’s ninety-six percent sure this is a date.

He amends that to one hundred percent when Mike pushes him back against his front door and kisses him. He cups Kevin’s hips in his palms and slips his tongue into his mouth and Kevin flails a moment before shoving his hands into Mike’s hair and holding on.

Mike fumbles for the doorknob behind them, and then they fall into the hallway, barely registering the wide-eyed, stunned look Selena gives them as Kevin tugs Mike up the stairs and into his bedroom.

“Isn’t this a little fast?” Mike says against his mouth, but Kevin just makes an annoyed sound when Mike won’t let him shove his shirt up any higher than his armpits.

It is a little fast, though. He ends up breathing heavily into Mike’s neck with one of Mike’s arms hooked around his waist, and Kevin thinks, what the heck am I doing?

“Believe me,” Mike says, “I might kill myself for this later, but—this is fast for you, right?”

Kevin’s hands fist tighter in Mike’s rucked-up shirt. “I was married,” he says. He’s not a kid anymore, never mind the fact that even being in the same house as Mike earlier was giving him a panic attack.

Mike huffs a laugh. He says, “Alright, okay. Let’s just say this is too fast for me.”

*

Mike sleeps on the couch and Evie Leigh makes them all cinnamon and sugar French toast in the morning.

Then Sid comes over and they work on some songs for the album Pete wants them to make – Sid’s calling it Nancy, Kevin just doesn’t know - and Kevin pretends Mike isn’t curled up in an armchair with a cup of coffee, Munch, and an amused, indulgent, kind of fond grin.

It makes Kevin squirmy and flushed, like there’s buzzing under his skin

*

Mike hangs around for another day.

They eat pizza and popcorn on the couch and Mike catches Kevin’s wrist, calloused fingers pressed along his pulse. He slides his hand up Kevin’s arm and pulls him closer, so they’re sitting thigh-to-thigh, Kevin’s feet propped up on the coffee table.

They watch Die Hard, Evie Leigh sprawled on the floor at their feet, Selena cradled sideways in the armchair, legs hooked over one side. She’s close enough that she can reach over and squeeze Kevin’s toes.

Mike’s breath on his ear makes Kevin shiver as he quietly asks, “So you’re not boning Gomez?”

Kevin chokes on a popcorn kernel, coughs into his fist, and when he turns wide eyes on Mike, Mike’s smirking at him.

“You’re such a jerk,” Kevin says. Geez, he’s as bad as Sid.

Mike says, “Just checking.”

*

Kevin drives Mike to the airport. He clenches the steering wheel, knuckles white, car idling in the drop-off lane while Mike reaches into the backseat, grabbing his bag.

Mike leans over and Kevin has a brief internal freak-out before Mike laughs and presses his mouth to his cheek, a sweet, lingering kiss, and Kevin feels his whole body light up, heart jumping into his throat.

“Thanks,” Mike says, pulling back.

Kevin swallows hard. “Yeah,” he says numbly. Then, “I mean, um, you’re welcome.”

“I’ll call you when I land,” Mike says, and Kevin almost says you don’t have to, except he really wouldn’t mind if he did.

*

Kevin realizes later that Mike’s kind of a gentleman. It’s really weird. From all that he’s heard about TAI, Kevin definitely wouldn’t have guessed that.

It’s nice, of course, Kevin’s not complaining - he gets postcards from their spring tour and late night phone calls and text messages and Kevin can’t help smiling every time he hears his phone buzz.

“Your hot boyfriend is a sweetheart,” Evie Leigh says on a sigh. She’s staring dreamily down at the signed eight-by-ten glossy of Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

“My hot boyfriend’s a smart aleck,” Kevin says. He doesn’t even know where Mike got this, but he never should’ve mentioned his weakness for 3rd Rock from the Sun reruns and guys who sing in French.

“So you admit it,” Selena says, pausing while in the middle of building what looks like the world’s tallest sandwich. Kevin’s been hanging around the kitchen for a while because he wants to see her try and actually eat it.

“Admit what?” Kevin says.

Selena unscrews the lid on the mustard jar. “That he’s your hot boyfriend.”

Kevin frowns. “I guess?” He doesn’t know what else to call him. And Bill’s been calling him Mike’s ‘adorable poodle-puff boyfriend’ on TAI TV for about a month – at least, Kevin’s pretty sure he’s referring to him, he really hopes Mike doesn’t have another guy he’s wooing, that would suck.

Selena gets out lettuce and a tomato. Seriously, she eats like a horse; Kevin has no idea how she stays so thin.

“Are you planning on sharing that?” Evie Leigh asks her.

Selena arches a speaking eyebrow; she’s using her special pastrami, there’s no way she’s sharing. She just says, “Do we have any pickles?”

*

Joe comes without Nick for their first annual Memorial Day barbeque, because having Nick and Selena in the same space again would involve screaming or tears or both, and nobody wants to deal with that.

Their first annual Memorial Day barbeque is basically just the band and Joe and Duncan and Evie Leigh’s baby sister, Kay. Kay is nine and fascinated by Joe, which actually has nothing to do with him being a movie star and everything to do with his cowboy boots. They have fringe, Kevin’s kind of fascinated by them himself.

Mike texts him while Sid is attempting to grill burgers without setting the lawn on fire.

He texts: Bill tricked me into eating tofu

And: do you know what tofu tastes like

And: it tastes gross that’s what it tastes like

And also: tofu is a crime against man its like space food like eating an alien made out of jello

And Mike is probably drunk, that shouldn’t make Kevin smile as much as it does.

Joe says, “What’s that.”

“What’s what?” Kevin says, looking up from his phone.

“That.” Joe waves his hands around. “That face, what kind of face is that?”

“It’s his Mike face,” Evie Leigh says.

“Mike?” Joe says.

“Mike Carden. He’s in a band, Kevin wants to have all his babies,” Evie Leigh says smugly, and Selena gives Evie Leigh a high five because she’s just as horrible a person.

Kevin brought this on himself, though, he can admit that. He could have said no to the band and the house and the roommates and the mentally challenged cat. Kevin has made his bed, and now he must lie in it.

“You have a boyfriend?” Joe says, nose wrinkled.

“Maybe,” Kevin hedges, and gets a slap to the back of his head for it. He tries to glare at Selena. It’s hard, because she’s wearing a sailor cap and pink sunglasses and an adorable striped sundress; she looks young and goofy and endearing, it’s so unfair.

Kevin amends his maybe to a yes, though, because she’s also probably right.

*




VI. EVERYTHING ELSE

The album continues to be named Nancy, right up until they have to make a real decision about it.

“She looks like a Nancy,” Evie Leigh says, staring at the cover art. It’s a blurred photo of the back of Evie Leigh, shaking her pants. Kevin thinks it’s from New Year’s Eve; her thighs are sparkly.

Kevin doesn’t argue that the album isn’t a she, and that it can’t look like anything but an album, because his entire band is filled with crazy people. They wouldn’t get it.

And if he squints his eyes and tilts his head a little—“Kind of.”

Evie Leigh looks up at him, grinning. “Right?”

And yeah, okay. Nancy.

*

In the two weeks after Nancy debuts:

Spin calls them “fun, self-depreciatingly hip, sneakily clever and surprisingly witty.”

Rolling Stone says it’s “not as dumb as we were expecting.”

Selena goes on Regis & Kelly and talks about going on tour in a van and how much Sid’s feet smell and how she’d think about going back on Moon Cursed if they actually let her eat someone, like if they made her into a raving horror-movie beast for a couple episodes, because she thinks that’d be fun.

They perform And This Is Why We Rock on David Letterman.

Duncan gets lost for three hours in the Times Square Toys R Us and Evie Leigh has to page him from the security desk twice.

Selena signs autographs outside the American Doll store.

They do an interview with MTV that’ll probably never air.

Joe accidentally tells the entire world Kevin has a boyfriend on TMZ.

*

Kevin watches it online, sees the exact moment when Joe realizes what he’s done – the wild-eyed panic before he blurts out, “I’m dating Dakota Fanning!”

Kevin calls up Joe and asks, “Are you really dating Dakota Fanning?” because this is the first he’s heard of it.

“We talked for, like, five minutes at a movie premiere last month,” Joe says. He sounds defeated, like Nick’s already reamed him out for hours.

Kevin grins into his cell. “So this is pretty humiliating for you.”

“Totally,” Joe says.

It doesn’t make them even or anything, but it almost makes it okay.

*

The only thing saving Kevin from a total paparazzi meltdown is that he’s always been the uninteresting Jonas brother. He’s twenty-seven and hasn’t been on the public radar for over three years, the fact that he may or may not have a boyfriend – Joe has never and will never be a reliable source for anything, everybody knows this – is the kind of thing that ends up in a box in the corner of Entertainment Weekly with an old photo of him from when he was ironing his hair straight.

“I remember this hair fondly,” Evie Leigh says, tapping her forefinger on the magazine page.

“What?”

“Oh, come on,” Evie Leigh says. “I was thirteen, I wanted to marry you, this hair made me a woman.”

Kevin makes a face, because that thought is truly horrifying. “Please never say that again.”

Evie Leigh just grins at him. “I had a Tiger Beat spread on my bedroom walls, it was awesome.”

Kevin slumps over the kitchen table, drops his head into his arms and groans.

Evie Leigh pokes him in the back, high up between his shoulder blades, and says, “You should ask Duncan about how he saw you guys in concert five times.”

Kevin’s groan turns into a startled laugh.

*

“I hear you have a boyfriend now,” Mike says as soon as Kevin answers his call.

“Uh.” Kevin knows his entire body is bright red, he’s just happy Mike can’t see him. “Joe’s a moron.”

There’s a lengthy pause. Then Mike says, “So you don’t have a boyfriend,” and Kevin doesn’t know what to say to that, because of course he has a boyfriend, they just haven’t officially talked about it yet – Kevin doesn’t want to step on any of Mike’s toes here.

Kevin’s voice goes embarrassingly high on, “I don’t know, do I?” and Selena makes kissy faces at him from across the room.

Mike laughs, and something loosens in Kevin’s chest. “Yeah, Kip,” Mike says. “Yeah, you do.”

*

Sometimes, Kevin feels like his life is a remix of a song that was already pretty darn cool. Like how Mos Def and Travis McCoy take Shake Your Pants and replace all Kevin’s high parts with sassy raps. Kevin is a firm believer that the loss of his high parts is a good thing.

His life is just a little more bright and loud now - with, like, repetitive techno beats and unexpected special guest stars - and it doesn’t matter if it lasts or not, because he’s fine with it just being his right now.

He’s fine with the mediocre fame of Astor, the dives they still play, the college classes he’s barely passing, the way his house smells like beer because Duncan spilled a bottle all over their couch last weekend. He’s good with Mike and their quasi-dating and how Sid and Evie Leigh write entire songs about their epic love, and sometimes he’s even more than good and fine and happy - sometimes he kind of hopes it’ll all last for forever, anyhow.