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bandslash ficlet: purity rings are for ugly dudes

  • Jun. 3rd, 2008 at 3:24 PM
Jon Walker approves!
purity rings are for ugly dudes | 351 words | PG
Panic/Jonas Brothers | Jon/Joe-ish

A/N: I'm so sorry. I find the idea of purity rings hilarious, IDEK. This is dumb. And for everyone who wants to see Camp Rock.

purity rings are for ugly dudes

“So you’re, like, twelve?”

The guy’s grin dims a little. “Um. No.”

“No, no, seriously.” Jon leans in a little bit, because the dude is oh so seriously a pre-teen, wow. He has some killer Pete Wentz hair, though. It’s kind of more than awesome. Jon wants to touch it.

“You’ve seen your own band, right?”

Jon does some jazz hands, because Ryan’s been hounding him lately about getting his jazz hands just right, and Ryan is totally hilarious. “And you play, oh man, you play the tambourine?” This is gold. Solid-fucking-gold; he can’t wait to tell Spencer. Spencer and the tambourine are, like, mortal enemies.

Joe-bob-nate-kevin-paul crosses his arms over his chest and glares at Jon, but he just looks like a frustrated puppy, all floppy hair; Jon just wants to take him home and give him to Brendon to cuddle. Seriously, it’s worse than the Alexes. Jon’s tried to steal the Alexes many a time before – they’re so wee and squishable and Jon’s a good guy, he always promises them candy and shit if they’ll follow him home - but at least he can tell them apart.

“Yeah, so this has been great, man, but I gotta—”

“Dude, dude, are you married?” Jon is so sure Nick-paul-george is, like, for real fourteen. He might have been exaggerating before, but seriously, seriously, these dudes are a-dorable. Cutest things since Alex DeLeon.

“Are you high?”

Jon does jazz hands again, only they’re more like stop-in-the-name-of-love hands. Jon is only a little bit high. Just a teeny-tiny bit. No big. No need to advertise. “Hey, I’m not the one wearing the ring, sport-o.” Jon has never in his life called anyone sport-o. That right there is some grade-A funny shit. Jon stuffs his fist in his mouth to keep from giggling.

Kevin-jack-nick’s cheeks actually flush. Like little bursts of rose on the top of each cheek and Jon wants to press his mouth to them because Jon has such a weakness for cute dudes, shit. Jon has a problem, oh man. Spencer’s gonna kill him, but maybe it’ll be worth it.

PART 2: another word for tacos

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( Take off your pants )
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[info]wishfulclicking wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 07:37 pm (UTC)
This is just filled with hilarity!

I love how Jon hyphenates all of their names.

Spencer and the tambourine are, like, mortal enemies.

(That line made me laugh out loud because it is so true!)

What is Camp Rock? I have seen the soundtrack at Wal-mart and Target, but I don't get what it is exactly.
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[info]skoosiepants wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 02:35 am (UTC)
Hee! thank you, hon!
What is Camp Rock? I have seen the soundtrack at Wal-mart and Target, but I don't get what it is exactly. it's the new disney movie premiering on june 20th starring the jonas brothers! I'm so stupidly excited for it!
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[info]sociofemme wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 07:37 pm (UTC)
OH MY GOD. I have no idea who the Jonas Brother at all or anything, but JON BEING HIGH will NEVER NOT BE FUNNY. Stealing the Alexes for Brendon to cuddle! HE PROMISES THEM CANDY. SPORT-O! The names he gives the guy! I AM MAKING SQUEAKY NOISES OF GLEE AT MY DESK. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
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[info]sociofemme wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 02:07 am (UTC)
PS regarding that other comment I left & deleted--I tried to e-mail you, but apparently I fail in MULTIPLE electronic arenas, because the person on whose behalf I left it DID like this ficlet but was actually drawing down death threats on someone else, who posted a cliffhanger bit, and I posted it in the wrong tab. *fails completely and is v. sorry*
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(no subject) - [info]skoosiepants - Jun. 4th, 2008 02:39 am (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]sociofemme - Jun. 4th, 2008 02:40 am (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]skoosiepants - Jun. 4th, 2008 02:38 am (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]sociofemme - Jun. 4th, 2008 02:39 am (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]skoosiepants - Jun. 4th, 2008 02:57 am (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]hyunbin - Jun. 19th, 2008 06:30 am (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]skoosiepants - Jun. 19th, 2008 05:14 pm (UTC) Expand
[info]this_is_my_name wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 07:37 pm (UTC)
Jon does jazz hands again, only they’re more like stop-in-the-name-of-love hands. Jon is only a little bit high. Just a teeny-tiny bit. No big. No need to advertise. “Hey, I’m not the one wearing the ring, sport-o.” Jon has never in his life called anyone sport-o. That right there is some grade-A funny shit. Jon stuffs his fist in his mouth to keep from giggling.

This cracked me up so badly. <3
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[info]skoosiepants wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 02:39 am (UTC)
Hee! I'm glad! thank you, hon :)
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[info]natacup82 wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 07:40 pm (UTC)
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I can't actually tell the Jonas brothers apart nor do I know what the three names should be but this is comedy GOLD. Jon wants to give them to Brendon to cuddle, OMG.
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[info]skoosiepants wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 02:40 am (UTC)
HA! Thank you!! dude, I had to look up their wiki and it actually says TAMBOURINE PLAYER next to Joe's name!!! I jumped all over that.
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[info]o4fuxache wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 07:40 pm (UTC)
This is pretty much totally what I needed today.
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[info]skoosiepants wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 02:41 am (UTC)
yay! thank you!
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[info]makesomelove wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 07:42 pm (UTC)
Stop-in-the-name-of-love hands! LOL SPORT-O! Hilaaaarious.
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[info]skoosiepants wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 02:41 am (UTC)
hee!! thank you!
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[info]jessaminejill wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 07:47 pm (UTC)
Jon stealing adorable boys for Brendon to cuddle with will never not be funny<3
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[info]skoosiepants wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 02:41 am (UTC)
*g* thank you! Jon's only thinking of BRENDON seriously he needs some boy-cuddling at all times :)
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[info]eckerlilas wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 07:48 pm (UTC)
Ahahahaha, OMG Skooz. You are ridiculous and AMAZING!

Purity Rings! Ahahaha Jon is SO AMUSED!

Dude, don't we all have a weakness for cute dudes?!?
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[info]skoosiepants wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 02:43 am (UTC)
Hee!! thank you, darling! I was giggling the entire time I wrote this :) I kind wanna write more. I mean. Brendon needs to hug this guy.
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[info]of_evangeline wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 07:51 pm (UTC)
I am actually CHOKING with laughter in the middle of the LIBRARY and you need to stop being hilarious for the sake of my HEALTH. ♥
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[info]skoosiepants wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 02:44 am (UTC)
*laughs* thank you! i'm glad you found this so funny - pothead!Jon makes me giggle :)
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[info]icyanahita wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 07:58 pm (UTC)
I love you so so much! This right here, is gold. Pure, pure gold man. I want to frame it or something I love it so much.
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[info]skoosiepants wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 02:45 am (UTC)
*beams* thank you! as soon as I heard about the purity rings and the TAMBOURINE I knew I had to write something :)
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[info]torakowalski wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 08:03 pm (UTC)
So, I have no idea who the Jonas Brothers are but this is still hillarious.
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[info]skoosiepants wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 02:46 am (UTC)
*g* thank you, hon! the jobros are freakishly triplet like despite being, like, 16, 18 and 20. Their purity rings crack me up.
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[info]prairiedaun wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 08:13 pm (UTC)
Oh, Jon. Spencer is going to kill you because of your weakness for cute dudes.
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[info]skoosiepants wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 02:47 am (UTC)
Hee! he's going to be in so much trouble! He can't help himself, they're like stray puppies :)
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[info]lyo wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 08:32 pm (UTC)
*dies* I love this. I know next to nothing about the Jonas brothers, but Jon is hilarious and Joe's reactions.

Spencer’s gonna kill him, but maybe it’ll be worth it.

Best ending ever.
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[info]skoosiepants wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 02:48 am (UTC)
*G* thank you, hon! purity rings and tambourines - most hilarious canon ever :)
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[info]cobraliciousomg wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 08:40 pm (UTC)
there needs to be more sporto-ing in the world, along with purity rings comedy GOLD!

Skooz, I'm going to buy you a purity ring FROM DISNEYLAND!! The Jobros would be so proud.

Next Up: Hoe Joe Jonas Lost His PUrity Ring Whilst in the Vacinity of one Brendon Urie, at a Water Park

oh, the lolz.
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[info]cobraliciousomg wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 08:46 pm (UTC)
wow, pardon the horrendous mistakes there, or don't...Hoe Joe Jonas
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(no subject) - [info]skoosiepants - Jun. 4th, 2008 02:49 am (UTC) Expand
[info]riflethrough wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 08:42 pm (UTC)
Oh jeez, I don't think I've laughed so much at such a short story. Hee, every time Jon smushed the names together was great.

I really contemplated writing something about the Jonas Brothers for some time, but I felt so bad every time I went to! This might just push me over the edge.
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[info]skoosiepants wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 02:50 am (UTC)
*g* thank you!!

I really contemplated writing something about the Jonas Brothers for some time, but I felt so bad every time I went to! This might just push me over the edge. doooo it! do it do it! I want to write more myself :)
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(no subject) - [info]riflethrough - Jun. 4th, 2008 01:43 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]skoosiepants - Jun. 4th, 2008 05:10 pm (UTC) Expand
[info]kickthebeat wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 08:45 pm (UTC)
HEY JON, STEAL ME AN ALEX, ALRIGHT
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[info]skoosiepants wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 02:51 am (UTC)
HE'S TOTALLY STEALTH AT STEALING ALEXES. HE COMES HOME WITH A DIFFERENT ONE EVERY TIME, AND THEN IAN HAS TO COME GET HIM ALL WHAT-THE-FUCK, JON?
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[info]xbedknobs wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 08:57 pm (UTC)
hahahahah I love this so much. You are my favorite, for serious.
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[info]skoosiepants wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 02:52 am (UTC)
*g* thank you!!
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[info]redandglenda wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 09:55 pm (UTC)
Heeeheee. This made me giggle. Silly Jon! :)
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[info]skoosiepants wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 02:52 am (UTC)
Jon is totally ridiculous! I'm glad this made you giggle :)
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[info]harpye wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 10:18 pm (UTC)
Jon’s a good guy, he always promises them candy and shit if they’ll follow him home - but at least he can tell them apart.

This is hilarious and made my day!! Thankee!
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[info]skoosiepants wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 02:52 am (UTC)
yay! thank you, hon!
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[info]siriusoblack wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 10:35 pm (UTC)
As soon as I saw I was like "OMG YOU DIDN'T!"

marry me? please? omg. write more. WRITE MORE.
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[info]skoosiepants wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 02:53 am (UTC)
I COULD NOT HELP MYSELF! the lure of the purity rings was TOO MUCH! omg, I might want to write more - eep!
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(no subject) - [info]siriusoblack - Jun. 4th, 2008 08:08 pm (UTC) Expand
[info]vic_ramsey wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 10:54 pm (UTC)
Oh, Pothead!Jon Walker is my favorite. And the idea of Jon taking the Jonas brother home to Brendon to squish and dress up with is an image I LOVE. *hearts;*hearts;*hearts;*hearts;
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[info]skoosiepants wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 02:54 am (UTC)
Spencer's all they're not toys, Jon, and you have to give him back! and jon's all, but look how happy Brendon is! and Brendon and Joe are having, like, a tea part - hee!
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[info]triskellita wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 11:31 pm (UTC)
*dying laughing*

not knowing his name! bribing the alexes with candy! jazz hands! *jazz hands*
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[info]skoosiepants wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 02:54 am (UTC)
JAZZ HANDS! hee! thank you, hon!
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[info]tigs wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 11:32 pm (UTC)
I am giggling so hard right now. This is perfect!
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[info]skoosiepants wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 02:54 am (UTC)
*g* thank you!!
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[info]stilldreaming wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2008 11:37 pm (UTC)
Adorable and hilarious. Jon binging home cute boys for Brendon to cuddle is my new favorite mental image. ♥♥♥
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[info]skoosiepants wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 02:58 am (UTC)
*g* thank you!!
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[info]vixalicious wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 12:16 am (UTC)
Too funny! The only thing I know about the Jonas brothers is the thing about their rings. But I am all for Jon giving guys candy and shit and taking them home for Brendon to cuddle.
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[info]skoosiepants wrote:
Jun. 4th, 2008 02:59 am (UTC)
*g* thank you, hon! The rings are totally hilarious - Jon'll die laughing when he finds out what it actually is :)
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(no subject) - [info]vixalicious - Jun. 4th, 2008 03:07 am (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]skoosiepants - Jun. 4th, 2008 05:08 pm (UTC) Expand
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( Take off your pants )

....

Brendon always thought, if they ever got this far, there’d be a rush, urgency, an overwhelming sense of we can never do this again. He thought Spencer would be forceful, maybe angry, and okay, those are hot thoughts, Brendon isn’t going to lie. He’s had more than one fantasy involving a wall and Spencer shackling his wrists above his head.

But Spencer’s fingers are soft along his jaw, and his kiss is chaste enough to be a question.

- Supersaturation

....







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[info]skoosiepants
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