“You are glorious,” Brendon tells Captain Hall, because Captain Hall is like a giant, walking, talking teddy bear and he doesn’t let anyone be mean to Brendon. He even tells Pete not to be a creeper, which is awesome, because it’s not like Brendon minds all of Pete’s ass-slaps, but there’s got to be a line drawn somewhere. And that line has been firmly drawn by Captain Zachary Hall, of the USMC.
Of course, what Brendon finds truly hilarious is that Captain Hall reserves his special you-pervert looks for Spencer.
Hall is new. Brendon would set him straight, except he’s usually too busy laughing.
Kevin Jonas/Mike Carden | Werewolf AU, also featuring vampires
Kevin had been born this way; he’s been changing since he was thirteen. There’s pain, but it doesn’t hurt. It just *is.* It’s just his bones doing what they’re supposed to do, and he licks blood off his knees and paws before padding over to his half open window and jumping down onto the fire escape.
Important A/N: Firstly, this is NOT an A little Less Sixteen Candles… AU, however, just to confuse and astound you, I’ve used some characters from that verse. Secondly, I did research! But did I do werewolf research? Of course not. I spent an inordinate amount of time researching the fable that Ryan tells Kevin, one single scene (but it’s totally integral!) – the rest, well. I’m a bullshitter, not a fact-checker. I bullshit with confidence; it’s what got me through 4 years of college. This isn’t beta’d, but only because I wanted to get it up in time for Halloween. I at least had
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starflowers (who is lovely and helpful!) check it for plot-holes :) Title is from Kissing the Beehive by Wolf Parade. Happy Halloween!( While Stumbling Where Our Hearts Beat Regular Time )
Nothing else is going on. J is on his way to try and get his driver's license renewed without any form of identification. I'm planning on laying in bed and drinking coffee and dreaming about donuts I can't have.
Ta!
Mike Carden/Kevin Jonas, The Academy Is…, Jonas Brothers, Cobra Starship, Panic!, Fall Out Boy
Brendon’s more of an in-your-face naked guy, while Mike’s nakedness sneaks up on you out of nowhere. It’s like Kevin doesn’t realize Mike isn’t wearing pants until he realizes Mike *isn’t wearing pants.*
a/n: this ridiculous piece of tour dating – yes, tour dating - was written because I wanted to have Kevin meet Drunk Naked Guy!Carden from DSIDWY and Commando!Carden from Break Away. It’s not necessary to read those fics to understand this one, but you might want to anyway. Cobra Jenga (though not called Cobra Jenga at the time) is something my friends and I used to play in college; it’s stupid fun, but gets expensive when you don’t play with the same exact group of people, especially when you get as specific with the pieces as we always did. Title comes from TMBG’s The End of The Tour. Unbeta’d, because I really didn’t think it was worth it – please point out any mistakes :) One day I will write one of these from Mike’s pov, promise.
( The Scene Isn’t What It’s Been )
Spencer/Jon, Brendon/Ryan-ish
Spencer has always been very practical. The problem is, there’s his real life, and then there’s Ryan.
A/N: So a little while ago I asked for amnesty for this Ghost Whisperer AU thing I tricked myself into writing, and most of you wouldn’t give it to me. So you only have yourselves to blame. Spencer sees dead people. Crack that gets weirdly angsty at parts. Title is from Not Going Home by The Elected. Quickly written and unbeta'd so please point out any errors!
( Sometimes You’re Already There )
Kevin Jonas/Mike Carden (also: Kevin/Zac Efron, Brendon/Spencer, Bill/Miranda, Pete/Ashlee, Pete/Patrick)
There are grooves in Kevin’s fingers from where he’s gripping his bass, soft, but calloused underbellies digging into the strings. It’s enough pain to ground him; he releases the strings backwards, the positioning a direct reverse of the beginning of In Front And Heavy. This is it. There’s no going back, even if one of the kids singing along in twenty minutes recognizes the curve of Miranda’s mouth, the timbre of Brendon’s voice, the strawberry blonde curl of Patrick’s hair under his knit cap; Bill’s splayed, spidery legs, Kevin’s wrists, fingers – the white band of skin that isn’t hidden by a thin band of silver.
*We are your losers, your loud weirdoes, your science stars, your shy, retiring band geeks*, Kevin thinks, and sets off for the stage.
A/N: This is it. The completely pointless, self-indulgent high school AU about a secret band playing secret music and writing a secret blog. I kind of hope you enjoy it. Massive thanks to
insunshine for the excellent beta-work, and also to starflowers, who cheered me on through this entire thing. This actually had a different title, but then I thought, fuck it, because it's always been NINJA in my head. (ps – more notes at the end about who’s who in some of the blogged about bands, if you’re curious)( NINJA )
Kevin Jonas/Mike Carden | the high school AU that isn't NINJA
“Um.” Kevin twists his fingers together and tries to think of a non-pathetic way to beg Carden not to kill and eat him. He’d totally be gamey and, like, like—juicy and tender, *oh sweet baby Jesus*, who the heck is he kidding? Kevin would be *delicious*, he’s all solid and active and healthy and stuff, it’s like his mom’s been feeding him up for years and years for this exact moment. Have another apple, son, someday a scary-intense, super hot guy is going to *eat you alive*.
a/n: quick and dirty au ficcy thing, starring Carden, Kevin, Chislett and Brendon. Kevin's paranoid, and Carden might be trying to kill him. Or something. Title is from The Go! Team, please point out any mistakes, and also go join
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sodamnskippy: I'm going to pimp that for forever :)( Never Needed It Now So Much )
currently reading:
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
The Hero and the Crown
Boy Meets Boy – not entirely convinced of the awesome, the idealistic atmo and prose is not exactly my cup of tea, on hold!
( read so far )
( bought so far )
( rec'd )
Kevin Jonas/Mike Carden
Mike looks from Kevin to Nick to Joe, who’s behind Nick, to Nick and then to Kevin again. “Oh, fuck me,” he says. “You’re a Jonas brother.”
A/N: Silly little small town AU, where TAI, Gabe and Greta live in a small town, and the JoBros are still the JoBros, with minor adjustments. There are FOLK BATTLES. And Joe reads a book. Written over the past day, quick and dirty; let me know if you spot any mistakes! (also, you should go join
sodamnskippy and have your own fun with these two!)( Revival )
I have moved on to small town FOLK BATTLES and were-dogs, though not in the same fic.
Kevin likes Michael Guy. He’s kind of nice and doesn’t blow cigarette smoke in his face and he takes them with him to The Tar Pit, which is actually a cozy little bar with bright lights and loud music and it seems like the entire town is packed inside.
He chews on the end of his cigarette and glances them up and down and says, “You’re those Jonas kids,” and he doesn’t seem impressed or anything, which is awesome. He seems mostly noncommittal about them on the whole, just jerks his head towards the door and says, “Go on. Nobody’ll bite,” and then he flashes this big smile, like maybe, maybe someone will. Kevin’s not sure how he feels about that.
Joe just shrugs and heads inside.
Kevin grabs onto Nick’s hand and sticks close. If he had a monkey, this would be easier. It’s not like Kevin’s shy, but monkeys are, like, the ultimate ice breaker - all the fun of being recognized without the possible derision for who they actually are. Oh, you’re a Jonas Brother? HEY CHECK OUT YOUR MONKEY! NO, I NO LONGER WANT TO MOCK YOUR TIGHT PANTS AND FANCY AMULET. And it’s not an amulet, anyway. It’s just something pretty.
sodamnskippy. You should also join that, by the way. And write. This is the pairing of my soul, friends. The pairing of my soul.“There is something seriously wrong with you.”
Kevin jerks his head up. Carden is looming above him, half under the overhang. He’s got an army jacket on, rain beading up on the canvas, and fingers pinching a cigarette, hand half curled over the tip to keep it dry.
Carden stares down at him. He shifts a little, gaze dropping to the kittens in Kevin’s lap, then he rolls his eyes. He flicks his cigarette out into the rain and grabs the handlebars of Kevin’s bike from where it’s leaning up against the side of the shed. “Come on,” he says, and then he starts off across the field without looking back.
“Uh.” Kevin scrambles to his feet, juggling the kittens. Two of them have fallen asleep, lumped together. The third paws at his sweatshirt, and its mouth opens in a soundless, pathetic meow. “Yeah, I know,” he whispers, then follows Carden up into the parking lot. He at least needs to get his bike back.
When he gets to Carden’s car, though – an old, beat-up Bronco – Carden’s already trying to stuff his bike in the backseat.
“It, uh—there’s a lever to make it fold up,” Kevin says.
Carden gives a noncommittal grunt, but he steps back and lets Kevin move forward – and Kevin drops the squirmy, awake kitten in Carden’s hands on his way past, and when he turns back around again, Carden’s sort of—grinning down at it, and Kevin’s heart hitches, then starts pounding. It’s almost painful, being this breathless, but Carden is grinning at a kitten, and Kevin’s pretty sure he’s never seen that look on Carden’s face before.
starflowers has been cheering me on, and I've got about 24000 words of NINJA fic now. And around two and a half months left to write, which will include (but will not be limited to!) prom, band-o-rama, spring break, Bill the-ultimate-cool-dude freaking out, Pete and Patrick finally doing something about Pete and Patrick, NINJA unveilings, and Kevin being stupid about Carden. I can't believe I've written so much about ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. This is the ultimate in pointless self-indulgence.TEASE:
“I think I’m going to ask Audrey to prom,” Brendon says. They’d just finished practicing Hey Sunshine, and Brendon pushes sweaty hair off his forehead.
Kevin presses his lips together and carefully doesn’t look at Miranda. He can see her making faces out of the corner of his eye.
Bill huffs out a breath, unfolds himself from where he’s been perched on Kevin’s amp, and grabs hold of Brendon’s arms. “Listen to me,” he says firmly, bending down so their noses touch. “Girls completely frighten you. Girls are pretty and soft, so this baffles me about you, but you’re utterly and totally uncomfortable around any girl except for Miranda. You are gay.” Bill shakes him a little, and Brendon’s eyes go wide. “You are incredibly, hugely gay, and you’re in love with Spencer, just go with it, Urie.”
“I’m.” Brendon open and closes his mouth, then says, “What?”
“Gay.”
Brendon shakes his head. “No, I’m—”
“Gay,” Bill insists. “Not even bi, my friend. You are so, so gay, and if you ask Audrey to prom I will slap you.”
“I just—”
“Slap! I’ll take my open palm to the baby-soft skin of your face, Urie, carefully heed my warnings.”
Brendon pouts.
Miranda snorts a laugh into her hand, and Kevin still refuses to look at her. He can feel Patrick glaring at them all from behind his kit.
“Well, I’m not going to ask Spencer,” Brendon says petulantly.
“Spencer’s going to ask you,” Bill says, and Kevin doesn’t know whether he has insider information or if he’s going to make Spencer ask Brendon – he doesn’t think it matters. “And when Spencer asks you, you are going to say yes.”
“You know how much I love talking about the prom,” Patrick says, tipping the brim of his hat back with one of his sticks. “But if you guys want to see The Upstanding tonight with all your limbs intact, you might want to shut the fuck up.”
Bill says mildly, “You seem to be getting angrier lately, Patrick. I think you need to get laid.”
“I will end you,” Patrick says through his teeth.
“Patrick,” Bill says, “sweetheart—”
Kevin lunges forward and claps a hand over Bill’s mouth. There’s Patrick-baiting, and then there’s having a death wish. “Let’s just, uh, finish practice, okay guys?”
Brendon says, “Yes, please.”
Bill’s eyes are dancing at Kevin over his palm. When Kevin lets him go, he says, “I know what I’m doing, Jonas,” grinning, and Kevin says, “I’m sure you do.”
Bill’s probably the only one of any of them that actually does.
fic is here: There Should Be A Name For Something Like This
It was the best idea Brendon had ever had, ever.
download the podfic (perm link courtesy of
general_jinjur!)Please comment if you download! Enjoy :)
nunshavingfun has recorded How not to eat a cat, in which Frank is TV's Alf and he really, really, really wants to eat Joe's cat. Or baby cats. Any cats you'd see fit to give him.fic is here: How not to eat a cat
When Frank crash-lands on earth, he makes the most of it. Sure, his home planet is destroyed, he’s likely the only survivor, and sometimes he stares at his communication console – in patched together pieces, sitting in Bob’s garage – and thinks about all he’s lost, but generally he just hangs around with Joe, bugs the crap out of Bob, and commiserates with the dog about how much they both want to eat the cat. Sweet, delicious cat.
download the podfic (perm. link courtesy of
general_jinjur!)Please comment if you download! Let
nunshavingfun know how much she rocks :)Also, I want to write famous!Kevin/smalltown!Mike fic, wherein Mike and Bill have FOLK MUSIC BATTLES and Kennerty is the new Jon Walker. There will be blizzard-like conditions and snuggling for warmth and the media's all OH NOES, WHEREZ KEVIN?!
Still writing NINJA fic. That will be done eventually. I'm about 50 pages in and I'm in the middle of January.
Should I get rid of my Panic desktop picture? I keep looking at it and sighing. It's so sad.
Also, twitter is a scary, scary place sometimes.
HERE IS A FIC I WILL NOT BE WRITING, AT LEAST NOT FOR MONTHS AND MONTHS. It will eventually involve Kevin Jonas and a baby:
Siska says, “I’m never helping you move again.”
Mike arches an eyebrow at him. Mike’s helped Siska move three times in the past year, once because of a break-up, once because of a lease, and once because of Butcher, Siska’s heterosexual soul-mate. “I am in love with a man in a purely platonic way,” Siska had announced grandly, two weeks after Bill had introduced them at a party. “We’re moving in together and adopting five dogs, it’s gonna be sweet.”
Mike still doesn’t get it.
“There are entirely too many stairs in this place,” Bill says, hip-checking the half-ajar door all the way open, three pizza boxes and two six-packs of Molson balanced in his arms. “Dibs on the sweet thing across the hall.”
“I will kick you in the groin,” a voice says behind Bill.
“That would truly be tragic. For you and all the ladies of this fine city,” Bill says, dropping the pizza on top of a stack of crates that Mike thinks contain most of his clothes.
“I don’t know what’s going on with your mustache, are you a sexual offender?” A dark-haired girl with a huge grin steps into the doorframe. “Hi, I’m Miranda. You all aren’t living here, right?”
“Just Mike,” Bill says. He flutters his eyelashes at Miranda and Miranda palms him in the face and shoves him away.
“Oh, good, I won’t have to bring up Chester the Molester here at the next building committee meeting, then.” She bounces up onto her toes and down again, cocking her head at Bill, grin slightly mocking.
“I like you,” Siska says.
“Just wait until this baby grows out,” Bill says, fingering the fuzz that’s sprouting on his upper lip. “Just you wait.”
Miranda rolls her eyes. “Anyway. Which one of you is Mike?”
Mike says, “Hey.”
“Hmmmm.” She narrows her gaze, speculative, and Mike stares right back. “Hmmmm,” she says again, teeth worrying her lower lip. “You’re a little intimidating. Good thing I’m only scared of lizards and chewing tobacco.”
Mike’s eyebrows go up. “Yeah, good thing.”
Kevin/Mike
Kevin’s breathing goes all shuddery, bordering on gasping, and Carden oh-so-slowly pets him there, right on the side of his throat, and shushes him and Kevin thinks, a little hysterical, that if he’s trying to calm him down the petting thing is totally not working.
A/N: So, just to confuse you a little, this is an AU of the show JONAS, in which the Jonas Brothers are actually the Lucas brothers, and have a band called JONAS and go to a private school and their friend Stella acts as their stylist and this girl Macy is their biggest, weirdest fan. And a while ago I wrote on Twitter how much more awesome the show would be if Rival!Band!The Academy Is... were in it, and then I promptly forgot about that, and then I wrote this yesterday. Herein lies pointless high school shenanigans, Nick's one-sided feud with Bill Beckett, and making out in cars and ball closets and libraries. Yeah. This is also kind of lame, forgive me.
( Bust Your Move )
....
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